Tag Archives: People-Pleasing

I used to think there was something wrong with me…

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For years, I thought that there was something wrong with me, that I was never quite good enough. Radiant and even appearing confident on the outside, yet on the inside, I was at war with myself. 

It impacted my romantic relationships, my business, my friendships, my relationship to my body, my finances. 

“I just need to learn how to not get so anxious when I first start dating someone.” 
“I need to learn how to not get so attached and to feel less intensely.” 
“I need to learn how to ‘toughen up.'”
“I need to learn how to talk less and listen more.” 

In my work it was:

“What did I do wrong to cause that client not to hire me?”
“I need to have a bigger email list; I need to learn FB ads; I need to learn, need to learn, need to learn…” 

When I looked in the mirror or got dressed in the morning, it was always, “How does my stomach look today?” and then disappointment that it wasn’t flatter. 

There was always something missing, lacking, too much or not enough. There was always something to improve or “get right.” 

And it was exhausting and had me perpetually spinning on a hamster wheel, never getting to “good enough.” And it blocked me from what I most desire: To be loved exactly as I am. To be successful exactly as I am. To be at peace exactly as I am. 

I was trapped in a life-long cycle of people-pleasing, and the anxiety of trying to get it right. I was often navigating the excruciating pain of heartbreak because “once again, I got it wrong.”

I certainly discovered how tremendously strong and capable that I am to endure tons of pain and get back up again…yet I was clueless about pleasure.

And as it turns out, when you learn to see yourself through the eyes of love, when you learn how to cherish yourself and THEN commit to your own pleasure in every moment, you can literally have whatever you want. 

I know that now. 

It took a lot of healing and support to get to this place where I can easily flip the internal switch within me toward seeing my wholeness and perfection and to simply be exploring what would be most pleasurable for me. I would love to help you flip that switch, too.

Click here to apply to work with me and we’ll explore how a Sacred Self-Love Mentorship with me will change your life.

Healing the Wound of Not Being “Chosen…”

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I help women heal the wound of not being “chosen.” 

I help you see it, name it, understand it—and most importantly, I help you clarify and articulate your desires, your core needs and boundaries so that you can become the number one priority in your life; so that you can create an amazing, mutually fulfilling relationship; so that you can feel cherished every day; so that you can have whatever you want in life. 

I spent 35 years of my life wanting to be chosen. Seeing and articulating the pattern in my 20’s…but still not knowing the way out until I saw the limiting beliefs I was carrying that had me making certain choices that weren’t actually working for me and didn’t get me where I wanted to be. 

I became masterful at discernment—to know what’s good for me and what isn’t; what works and what does not; what feels good and what doesn’t; what I actually want and how to operate in integrity with that. 

I had to get CRYSTAL clear about these patterns and what my limits are—where’s the edge that I have to honor in order to commit to my wellbeing?

If you know that your child gets sick every time she eats chocolate…you would parent her by (lovingly) saying no to chocolate treats in the future…even if she throws a tantrum. As grownups, we still need “parents” and now we have to learn to integrate that wisdom and responsibility from within. 

For example, If you know that you get anxious and heartbroken when you choose to engage romantically and/or sexually with someone who is not clearly interested in pursuing a relationship with you…then “parenting” yourself would mean holding space for the tantrumming child within while saying NO to her. Sitting on your hands, not sending the text, articulating your wants, needs, boundaries and walking away if they can’t be honored, etc. 

Much of what I do is help women face their pain, the overwhelming fear that arises in not doing what you normally do (the patterned behavior). When you can face this deeply uncomfortable fear and not abandon yourself, you discover something impenetrable within and you begin a new journey of making choosing YOU your go to. 

This journey is not easy (as in, it is a courageous journey) and it requires tremendous guidance. I couldn’t do it without guides, mentors, coaches, healers. And now I’m paying it forward by giving a hand up to my sisters who struggle in this way. I know the pain of not being chosen and know the path to feeling cherished every day. I would be honored to show you how. 

Melissa Simonson

P.S. I have a few spaces open in my one-on-one self-love mentorship program and am now enrolling. Reach out to schedule a complimentary Self-Love Activation Call and we will begin to clarify your path to healing and how I can help. 

Creating Emotional Safety for Yourself…

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I have seen brilliant, radiant, powerful women who are up to amazing things in their lives diminished to a tortured puddle of anxiety and self-doubt when falling for someone. 

I’ve seen it countless times and I’ve also been her. Years ago, a friend told me that I was so wise but when it came to relationships I was a “hot mess.” The painful truth. 

When the possibility of relationship enters the picture, the attachment system gets triggered and if you have an anxious attachment system, you might as well be a completely different person than you were walking into your first date. I used to get so frustrated with myself that I couldn’t stay “strong,” that this other part of me seemed to take over. I wanted to be the radiant, powerful woman, the light, go with the flow person I was out of relationship…all of the time. 

The problem was that on some level I was rejecting and abandoning myself and had super messy, unclear boundaries. I didn’t understand that *I* needed to be the one who created emotional safety for myself first and I definitely didn’t know how to do that back then. And the result was an absolute f*cking rollercoaster of ecstasy and devastating disappointment. The rush of the connection and the anxiety in between. 

If you want to get off of this rollercoaster…to be the powerful woman that you are outside of romantic relationship WHILE engaging in relationship, to have a solid relationship with yourself and a thriving partnership, I can show you how. 

Our people and our planet need women of all walks of life showing up in our power like never before. Every time you get pulled away from your deeper purpose because you are consumed by self-doubt and anxiety in love…you aren’t the only one who loses out. We need your contribution. 

Women in love with themselves, co-creating healthy, empowered relationships are a huge part of the fabric of healing our planet. Will you join me? 

Melissa Simonson

P.S. I am now enrolling in my one-on-one Self-Love Mentorship Program. Send me a message to set up a Complimentary Self-Love Activation Call to explore how this work will help you heal and have the mutual love that you so deeply long for.