Healing the Wound of Not Being “Chosen…”


I help women heal the wound of not being “chosen.” 

I help you see it, name it, understand it—and most importantly, I help you clarify and articulate your desires, your core needs and boundaries so that you can become the number one priority in your life; so that you can create an amazing, mutually fulfilling relationship; so that you can feel cherished every day; so that you can have whatever you want in life. 

I spent 35 years of my life wanting to be chosen. Seeing and articulating the pattern in my 20’s…but still not knowing the way out until I saw the limiting beliefs I was carrying that had me making certain choices that weren’t actually working for me and didn’t get me where I wanted to be. 

I became masterful at discernment—to know what’s good for me and what isn’t; what works and what does not; what feels good and what doesn’t; what I actually want and how to operate in integrity with that. 

I had to get CRYSTAL clear about these patterns and what my limits are—where’s the edge that I have to honor in order to commit to my wellbeing?

If you know that your child gets sick every time she eats chocolate…you would parent her by (lovingly) saying no to chocolate treats in the future…even if she throws a tantrum. As grownups, we still need “parents” and now we have to learn to integrate that wisdom and responsibility from within. 

For example, If you know that you get anxious and heartbroken when you choose to engage romantically and/or sexually with someone who is not clearly interested in pursuing a relationship with you…then “parenting” yourself would mean holding space for the tantrumming child within while saying NO to her. Sitting on your hands, not sending the text, articulating your wants, needs, boundaries and walking away if they can’t be honored, etc. 

Much of what I do is help women face their pain, the overwhelming fear that arises in not doing what you normally do (the patterned behavior). When you can face this deeply uncomfortable fear and not abandon yourself, you discover something impenetrable within and you begin a new journey of making choosing YOU your go to. 

This journey is not easy (as in, it is a courageous journey) and it requires tremendous guidance. I couldn’t do it without guides, mentors, coaches, healers. And now I’m paying it forward by giving a hand up to my sisters who struggle in this way. I know the pain of not being chosen and know the path to feeling cherished every day. I would be honored to show you how. 

Melissa Simonson

P.S. I have a few spaces open in my one-on-one self-love mentorship program and am now enrolling. Reach out to schedule a complimentary Self-Love Activation Call and we will begin to clarify your path to healing and how I can help. 

The most important question to ask when dating/relating…

When it comes to dating, there is no “right” way for you or the other person to act, no such thing as “too much,” no such thing as “too fast” or “too slow.” All of this trying to get it right or wondering if something is acceptable or normal has you in your head (the land of ego safety, control and approval games) and ignoring how you actually FEEL.

The most important question that you need to be asking is: “How do I feel?”

Your feelings are sacred guides pointing to your own precious needs and values. If you’re feeling off—anxious, insecure, guarded, confused, frustrated, etc.—this is an indicator that you have some needs that aren’t being fulfilled completely in this situation. When you feel good, it’s because you’re aligning with what you need and value.

When feeling off in a relating/dating situation…the question is never whether or not you should be feeling what you’re feeling. Your feelings cannot be wrong (they are FOR YOU, after all). The question is: “What are these feelings telling me that I most need and desire?”

This is the only authority you ever need to follow.

Happy dating & relating, lovelies!

❤️Melissa

P.S. If you want to know how to navigate the world of your feelings like a ninja, to confidently choose yourself no matter what and create thriving relationships, I have openings for complimentary self-love activation calls (new clients only) in the next couple of weeks. Send an email via my contact form to grab your spot on my calendar.