Tag Archives: Feeling Alone

Video: All the pieces of who we are…

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I made this video for you today, Beautiful People. If you find yourself in the midst of transition, in pursuit of dreams or wanting to pursue them, coping with loss in its various forms or afraid to make changes and big leaps in your life, I encourage you to check this out. As it turns out…we don’t actually lose the people and things and places that matter to us when we transition and we have everything to gain by making our big leaps.
Here is the link to the GoFundMe Campaign: http://www.gofundme.com/MelissaNYCJourney  (where you can receive the Soul Mapping Journey for 50% off!)

<3 Melissa

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Love Revelation: Will you hold my hand through the unknown?

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I’ve created an amazing opportunity for you to experience the Soul Mapping Journey at a 50% reduced cost until March 31st. But first, this week’s Love Revelation.

It’s been awhile since I’ve taken a moment to still myself and write from my heart. I’m flying out to Brooklyn, NY on Saturday to begin this next chapter of my life, and my brain has been full–from the moment I awake in the morning, I have been consumed with all that there is to do with this move, and this wouldn’t be a love revelation if I didn’t admit that there is lots and lots of anxiety mixed in with the to-do’s.

I took some time out to journal this morning and slow down my thought process and I saw how scared that I am. It’s not that there isn’t excitement in there, ’cause there is definitely that, and there is also loads of vague anxiety. A sense that I’m dropping the ball, somehow. A fear that I’m going to struggle financially. A deep longing for peace, ease, and solid security.

Much of this is just my mind, body and spirit reacting to mega change. My fight or flight response is in hyper-drive, right now. There is a need to allow myself to be with the fear, to validate it, to thank it for doing its job–to be with myself as I would be with a child who is under my care and protection as we make this big transition.

And then there are the parts that I can simply remedy with clarity, with continuing to be in communication with those around me, with creating plans and structure that have me knowing that no matter what, I will always have my back. 

And it’s for that reason that I decided to create a crowd-funding campaign and open myself to receive your help and support. The money part is, of course, an essential piece in my making this transition in a sustainable way, and there is something deeper than that. The support that I have received so far has buoyed my spirit, it has created a sense of connection and an awareness that I am truly not alone in a way that I so need, right now.

Because the truth is, going through transformation can be the most alone experience that we go through…it can feel like we’re lost and in between worlds. And it doesn’t HAVE to feel that way. Taking on this move to NYC has been a powerful lesson in that for me. I don’t have to go it alone, and I’m choosing not to. None of us have to go it alone.

It is my commitment through my Soul-Mapping Journey program to hold people’s hand as they choose to pursue their passions and follow the call of their souls, and now, I’m inviting you to hold mine as I take my own soul journey. 

Will you hold my hand and make a powerful difference in my life as I take this powerful step in the direction in my dreams? Will you give yourself the gift of not only knowing yourself as a powerful contribution in my life and in the world, but also through receiving the cool opportunities (like the Soul Mapping Journey at 50% off) that I created as rewards for the campaign?

You can watch the inspirational video I created, support the campaign, learn more, share it, and claim your own amazing transformational rewards by clicking here: 

Thank you for being with me on this journey. You make a true difference in my life with your presence and love.

If you are thinking that you would love to receive the Soul Mapping Journey at this kick-booty discount and you’re wondering how the program will make a powerful difference in your life, I offer a Free Discovery Session to all those who are ready to to get unstuck, to have clarity, and to take action in alignment with their soul purpose–and experience great freedom and joy as a result. In this Free Discovery Session, we will get clear on whether or not The Soul Mapping Sessions are a perfect right fit for you, and you will receive:

  • Clarity around your core needs & longings right now
  • Clarity around how you can meet those core needs & longings
  • An unleashed desire to pursue your passions
  • Unconditional love & acceptance for who you are and where you are in your life, right now
  • Full access to tools that you can use to create a life that you love

That’s a lot of deliciousness, no?

Your soulful calls to action:

1) Email me with why you would love to experience a FREE 1-hour Discovery Session with me.
2) I’ll send you a link to my calendar so we can make that happen!
3) Visit my GoFundMe page and check out all of the awesome, awesome rewards: http://www.gofundme.com/MelissaNYCJourney

I love you.

:)Melissa

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Love Revelation: Being real can be so damn hard, sometimes.

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seriouscafe

Sometimes it can be so hard to be real. Shame kicks in and permeates all
that I feel and I’m left hiding something that I don’t know I’m hiding. Trying my best to wear a smile. Pretending that something inside of me isn’t bending to the breaking point.

The truth is I’ve been living each day with overwhelm, with fear, with anxiety.

I’m moving from Madison, WI to NYC in a month, and its the biggest change I’ve ever chosen. Most days I’m just so focused on overcoming fear and wondering what I have begun. I’m in a process of becoming, and it’s a process of coming undone.

And I’ve felt really alone. I’ve felt unsure of myself. I have closed myself off with judgment.

Like, somehow, I’m supposed to know how to do this. Or I should be able to do this “better.” Like, somehow, I should be more excited then I am. I should be floating when I often feel like I’m drowning instead.

But transformation is a mess, and the truth is I’m doing my best. And my best is fucking beautiful.

My best includes moments of deep aloneness followed by the choice to open up and share myself…intimately

My best includes days when I don’t want to get out of bed, afternoons spent watching movies, to creating from inspiration and putting my thoughts into poetry.

My best includes a month of feeling dizzy and going to the gym anyway.

It includes serving in the deepest way and believing in the work I do even when I’ve created something new and I don’t know the next time that I’ll get paid.

It includes having the courage to leave the only home I’ve ever known to move cross-country

to forge ahead, to expand, and build my life on possibility

My best is my choosing to follow a dream no matter how unreasonable it all may seem.

Yes, being real can be truly hard, until I choose to let go and remember I’m not alone

because all that I am, you are.

Love Revelation: Asking for help is really f@#%ing scary for me.

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I’m deeply aware, right now, that the experience of reaching out with a request for help is up there on the list with my most vulnerable, shame-inducing experiences–particularly when it comes to asking people to support me in getting the word out about my work. Just writing these words is causing a tightness in my heart and throat.

My people-pleasing self learned at a young age how to be super self-reliant. It’s one of my superpowers that I can figure out most anything that I set my mind to accomplishing. And yet, it is also one of my biggest downfalls. In part, because I’ve gotten so good at “figuring it all out” by myself that I can be completely unaware of when I actually NEED help and in what ways. I have a tremendously difficult time getting clear on and articulating how I would like to receive support–it’s so scary and challenging for me to claim what I want out loud. Even when someone simply asks, “how can I help?” my mind freezes and I feel all of this pressure not to ask for TOO much. I find myself not even knowing what to say in response to this question.

And it’s exhausting and incredibly limiting. In all of the ways that I’ve learned to go it alone, I can also put a cap on the potential of my life. I’m reminded as I write these words of the African Proverb that is often seen circulating around: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” There are times when we need to go it alone and there are times when we are more powerful when we journey together. This time of MEGA transition in my life is one of those times when it’s not serving me to go it alone, and I am floundering in my capacity to reach out.

Asking for help is messy. There is all of this fear around what people will think (I always make the people who I’m reaching out to SO much more important and powerful than I am in my mind). Questions like, “What do I have to offer them in return?” come up for me. Questions like, “Why aren’t you capable of figuring this out yourself?” come up. Thoughts like “You’re so self-centered” come up. There is fear around asking for help in the “wrong way,” somehow, and not receiving the support that I need. There is a deep down fear of not actually belonging, of not being loved, of no one wanting to help and so I isolate myself. I focus on what I can figure out on my own, and I live an existence smaller than I can even fathom. I rob myself of the love and belonging that I so desire to experience in my life, and so often I feel really, really alone.

I’m teary as I write this because I’m tapping into some core truths that have really needed my attention, and I’m finding myself taking deep breaths and knowing that it is time for me to take some courageous action in my life. It’s time to be raw and real and generous with my humanity. I need help, and no one will ever know unless I ask for what I want to receive.

And so, I’m going to be sending out some emails and making phone calls requesting help, and I’ll be practicing at those things called community, and belonging…and receiving love…and learning what it means to journey farther than I can on my own.

Love Revelation: Learning Hurts

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A poetic reflection of where I’m at, right now. It feels good to hold space for myself through exploring my heart with words.

There is something so saddening,
so exhausting about growth
There is a longing in my soul
to recognize myself as whole
and today I’m just not feeling it

Today I’d rather crawl under
a rock in some deep hole
then feel my muscles
stretching to meet the sun

Am I the only one here
in this place? I feel so alone,
so disconnected from
who I am here to be
and any reasoning leaves me
feeling further lost

There is so much about
learning that hurts
Stripped naked & raw
of what I already knew,
carved out anew to make
room for deeper understanding
When all I want is a soft
landing surrounded by friends
And I’m left here in this space
between
filled with questions instead

As the cells of my life
divide & multiply
as my heart expands to
make room for more
I feel fragile. Ungrounded.
Exposed.

And while I know I chose this
path in order to grow
Today I’m struggling to
remember what it’s all for
when all I can see is one door
closing behind me.