Tag Archives: Anxious Attachment

Creating Emotional Safety for Yourself…

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I have seen brilliant, radiant, powerful women who are up to amazing things in their lives diminished to a tortured puddle of anxiety and self-doubt when falling for someone. 

I’ve seen it countless times and I’ve also been her. Years ago, a friend told me that I was so wise but when it came to relationships I was a “hot mess.” The painful truth. 

When the possibility of relationship enters the picture, the attachment system gets triggered and if you have an anxious attachment system, you might as well be a completely different person than you were walking into your first date. I used to get so frustrated with myself that I couldn’t stay “strong,” that this other part of me seemed to take over. I wanted to be the radiant, powerful woman, the light, go with the flow person I was out of relationship…all of the time. 

The problem was that on some level I was rejecting and abandoning myself and had super messy, unclear boundaries. I didn’t understand that *I* needed to be the one who created emotional safety for myself first and I definitely didn’t know how to do that back then. And the result was an absolute f*cking rollercoaster of ecstasy and devastating disappointment. The rush of the connection and the anxiety in between. 

If you want to get off of this rollercoaster…to be the powerful woman that you are outside of romantic relationship WHILE engaging in relationship, to have a solid relationship with yourself and a thriving partnership, I can show you how. 

Our people and our planet need women of all walks of life showing up in our power like never before. Every time you get pulled away from your deeper purpose because you are consumed by self-doubt and anxiety in love…you aren’t the only one who loses out. We need your contribution. 

Women in love with themselves, co-creating healthy, empowered relationships are a huge part of the fabric of healing our planet. Will you join me? 

Melissa Simonson

P.S. I am now enrolling in my one-on-one Self-Love Mentorship Program. Send me a message to set up a Complimentary Self-Love Activation Call to explore how this work will help you heal and have the mutual love that you so deeply long for.

The most important question to ask when dating/relating…

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When it comes to dating, there is no “right” way for you or the other person to act, no such thing as “too much,” no such thing as “too fast” or “too slow.” All of this trying to get it right or wondering if something is acceptable or normal has you in your head (the land of ego safety, control and approval games) and ignoring how you actually FEEL.

The most important question that you need to be asking is: “How do I feel?”

Your feelings are sacred guides pointing to your own precious needs and values. If you’re feeling off—anxious, insecure, guarded, confused, frustrated, etc.—this is an indicator that you have some needs that aren’t being fulfilled completely in this situation. When you feel good, it’s because you’re aligning with what you need and value.

When feeling off in a relating/dating situation…the question is never whether or not you should be feeling what you’re feeling. Your feelings cannot be wrong (they are FOR YOU, after all). The question is: “What are these feelings telling me that I most need and desire?”

This is the only authority you ever need to follow.

Happy dating & relating, lovelies!

❤️Melissa

P.S. If you want to know how to navigate the world of your feelings like a ninja, to confidently choose yourself no matter what and create thriving relationships, I have openings for complimentary self-love activation calls (new clients only) in the next couple of weeks. Send an email via my contact form to grab your spot on my calendar.