It is a weird and uncomfortable experience to not have a clear sense of “home.” Today marks my 2nd full day in Brooklyn and Yesterday’s big accomplishments included finding a local grocery that I like so that I could actually have food at home, picking up odds and ends for daily living…I’m of course, already noticing the things that I forgot to bring, the items that I had no idea would be essential in this new space. And, oh, I didn’t get lost yesterday, which was cool.
The emotional experience, right now is one of total ungroundedness, searching for center, for the SENSE of home. I find it and create it in little moments and then it’s gone again, to then, rediscover it in another moment. Lavender essential oil filling my room, time spent with my journal, watching a favorite TV show online and reading before bed, nourishing food, my favorite lotion, creating order in my new space. There is a deep need to find and create the familiar within this completely unfamiliar place. I feel invisible and disconnected from who I am, what matters to me, what I want, what I need. And yet, the preciousness of this time is that I get to rediscover and perhaps discover for the first time, the answer to these essential questions.
My main inspiration, right now, lies in creating and relishing in beauty. Nourishing my body with movement and good food. Making my space pretty. Creating a sense of grounded spaciousness with lovely smells. Creating softness and lightness in my experience.
There are powerful fears lurking beneath the surface that I’ll get stuck and consumed by a mode of survival, that I will lose sight of who I am, that I’ll forget and disappear somehow, that I won’t accomplish what matters to me in my heart…and my inner Wise Woman is smiling at me as she reminds me I’ve only been here for 2 days. Now is not the time to climb mountains, it is time to rest in the valley, to gather up strength, to listen within for what is “home” and then to lean into those experiences with all of my heart. That sense of home will guide me, will pull to exactly who, what and where I need to be.
And so I honor my fear for not letting me forget that I am a leader feeling called to accomplish big, loving things in the months and years ahead. And for now, I bring myself back to the here and now, I meet myself with gentleness and patience and ease, and I listen and follow the voice of home that lives in my belly and my bones.
And as I write these words while listening deeply to my inner landscape, I hear a soft whisper telling me that magic awaits, and I am smiling, tears glistening in my eyes.
xo Melissa
P.S. Feel inspired to support my soul journey to NYC while claiming AMAZING rewards–like the opportunity to be supported by me through your own transformation at kickass discount prices? Visit: http://www.gofundme.com/MelissaNYCJourney to learn more!
©2014 Melissa Simonson