Oh, Mercury Retrograde.

Oh Mercury Retrograde.

These words have, at times, been all I can say these past few weeks. Along with, “I surrender.”

The day after this tiny, fast moving planet appeared to be moving backwards on the 21st of January, I was “forced” to face what I had overlooked over the past few months. Illusions evaporated, and I was left with an open space to reinvent my life.

We astrologers often describe Mercury Retrograde as the perfect time to focus on all of the re- words, as in renew, reflect, remember, rediscover, reconsider, revive, etc. It is a time when breakdowns occur in external reality so that we slow down, turn inward, reconnect and realign with what’s true. What is not working, what has not been dealt with or overlooked will rear its head. Where we once felt clear, we now feel fuzzy as to how to proceed, which is perfect. When we surrender to Mercury’s retrograde phases we discover great gifts present in the breakdowns.

This Mercury Retrograde seemed to spin me around, shake me up and spit me out on a whole new life trajectory. And it’s good. I needed to be revived, to wake up to what I was afraid to see. As it stations direct again and begins to continue on its forward journey, I find that I’ve shed so many layers and found clarity in ways that I had no clue I was lacking. There is a sharpness to my awareness and a rediscovery of my courage and resolve, a revival of my commitments.

So, if life has felt like an impossible conundrum of twists, turns and mishaps this past month, I invite you to dig in. What do you now see that was necessary for you to see before proceeding? Where do you now have power, clarity and insight where you didn’t have it before? What have been the gifts hidden behind the breakdowns?

I am loved by every process unfolding in my life, and I’ve come to revere the blessings of Mercury Retrograde, despite how frustrating and rattling they can be.

It’s a good time to experience the power of surrender, y’all.

:)Melissa

Waking up

It’s a funny thing to live a life that is sourced by love and to perceive harshness all over the place. I built quite the character who is mighty vigilant at seeking out and creating what she thinks is “not love.”

Even that character is loving me with what she knows–every time I experience “not love” I get to awaken to the awareness that those experiences, too, are loving me, awakening me with every illusion I’ve attached to that falls away. And I’m ready to let that character go, too.

I’m waking up. I’m waking up. I’m waking up. I’m waking up.

Melissa

Til Next Time, Madison

I’m waking up one last morning in Madison, WI before heading back home to Brooklyn, NY later tonight.

Home–such an ephemeral experience for me, right now.

I arrived in Madison 2 weeks ago to discover just 2 days into my time here that life as I knew it in NYC was now forever altered. My relationship and our blossoming plans for a life together lay dead in the ground where moments before they had their own heartbeat. I was devastated, my ego grasping for some illusory semblance of control where there was none. I felt utterly alone and struggling to make sense of it all.

I wake up this morning, two weeks later, still in pain, my mind playing its games and weaving stories that make my heart ache with longing and anger and sadness…and yet something has transformed.

I have been blessed to work with 9 extraordinary women in this time. Women who I have been privileged to support as they blossom into their own truth and power–and in the process they’ve unknowingly realigned me with mine.

I’ve had the opportunity to connect with my best friend for the past 21 years to be reminded of the kind of unconditional love that transcends time and distance, and to witness her on fire with passion and purpose as she continues to expand on her path–such an inspiration to me. And then, there are her amazing kiddos–sleepovers with miss JJ only get better through the years.

And at the heartbeat of this trip, I have been here each day, supporting my mom, caring for her doggies…shoveling snow, of course…and finding myself.

I now pass the torch of care for my mom onto my sister who has also been a godsend in helping me process my grief these past 5 days.

I head back to Brooklyn with a heart that is filled with complex emotions, with visions of a future lost, and new ones emerging. No longer part of a “we” or an “us” and also more excited and empowered to be ME than I’ve felt in a long time.

Just me, finding home in the depths of my own being. It’s not as exciting as finding home in a place or another person, perhaps, and yet, it’s more dimensional…more real, somehow, more spacious and freeing.

With each day, with each losing and letting go, I’m coming home to my own heartbeat and discovering little by little what is truly meant for me.

Til next time, Madison.

:)Melissa

A gift from recent sessions with clients:

I invite you to imagine all of life and the universe as one large body that is constantly ebbing and flowing in a process of maintaining homeostasis, just as our own body is in a constant of ebbing and flowing in an overall state of balance with itself. There is no “good” or “bad” functioning of the body, there is just…function.With every loss and gain of my ego’s desires, I find that I can get so mired in the details of my experience that I see duality everywhere: Fall in love–Yay! Relationship ends or transforms–heart-wrenching grief. Money in–yay! Money out–stress. Feeling strong and healthy–yay! Develop illness–heartbreak, once again.

When I step back from a higher vision and understand all of life operating as one body, suddenly I see that my pain or my pleasure, my having and letting go are all part of a larger process of ebb and flow. Life is living itself. Constant. Ever-changing and yet, always the same.

There is an emptiness in that awareness–my ego loves to attach uncomfortable emotion and create an experience of that emptiness–and yet there is great freedom in embracing how arbitrary and also necessary are the happenings of my life.

My life is in a constant state of balance with itself, and when I surrender to that, I find my center, I find peace.

So, I invite you to join me in the dance, Dearheart. There is an adventure to discover in this surrender.

I exist. With each day, I’m waking up further to the precious gift of that basic truth.

 :)Melissa

You have to lose all…

A gift texted to me this morning: “Listen to your heart, move according to your heart, whatsoever the stake: A condition of complete simplicity costing not less then everything… To be simple is arduous, because to be simple costs everything that you have. You have to lose all to be simple. That’s why people have chosen to be complex and they have forgotten how to be simple. But only a simple heart throbs with God, hand in hand. Only a simple heart sings with God in deep harmony. To reach to that point you will have to find your heart, your own throb, your own beat.” – Osho

With every loss, I find my heart.

:)Melissa