{"id":258,"date":"2014-02-05T01:37:19","date_gmt":"2014-02-05T01:37:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/melissasimonson.com\/?p=258"},"modified":"2014-02-05T01:37:19","modified_gmt":"2014-02-05T01:37:19","slug":"love-revelation-being-real-can-be-so-damn-hard-sometimes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/melissasimonson.com\/index.php\/love-revelation-being-real-can-be-so-damn-hard-sometimes\/","title":{"rendered":"Love Revelation: Being real can be so damn hard, sometimes."},"content":{"rendered":"

\"seriouscafe\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Sometimes it can be so hard to be real. Shame kicks in and permeates all
\nthat I feel and I’m left hiding something that I don’t know I’m hiding. Trying my best to wear a smile. Pretending that something inside of me isn’t bending to the breaking point.<\/p>\n

The truth is I’ve been living each day with overwhelm, with fear, with anxiety.<\/p>\n

I’m moving from Madison, WI to NYC in a month, and its the biggest change I’ve ever chosen. Most days I’m just so focused on overcoming fear and wondering what I have begun. I’m in a process of becoming, and it’s a process of coming undone.<\/p>\n

And I’ve felt really alone. I’ve felt unsure of myself. I have closed myself off with judgment.<\/p>\n

Like, somehow, I’m supposed to know how to do this. Or I should be able to do this “better.” Like, somehow, I should be more excited then I am. I should be floating when I often feel like I’m drowning instead.<\/p>\n

But transformation is a mess, and the truth is I’m doing my best. And my best is fucking beautiful.<\/p>\n

My best includes moments of deep aloneness followed by the choice to open up and share myself…intimately<\/p>\n

My best includes days when I don’t want to get out of bed, afternoons spent watching movies, to creating from inspiration and putting my thoughts into poetry.<\/p>\n

My best includes a month of feeling dizzy and going to the gym anyway.<\/p>\n

It includes serving in the deepest way and believing in the work I do even when I’ve created something new and I don’t know the next time that I’ll get paid.<\/p>\n

It includes having the courage to leave the only home I’ve ever known to move cross-country<\/p>\n

to forge ahead, to expand, and build my life on possibility<\/p>\n

My best is my choosing to follow a dream no matter how unreasonable it all may seem.<\/p>\n

Yes, being real can be truly hard, until I choose to let go and remember I’m not alone<\/p>\n

because all that I am, you are.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sometimes it can be so hard to be real. Shame kicks in and permeates all that I feel and I’m left hiding something that I don’t know I’m hiding. Trying my best to wear a smile. Pretending that something inside … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,4],"tags":[13,18,23,26,33,36,47,48,52,53,56,58,75,67,68],"class_list":["post-258","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-revelation","category-poetry","tag-change","tag-courage","tag-facing-fears","tag-feeling-alone","tag-growth","tag-honesty","tag-nyc","tag-overwhelm","tag-poem","tag-possibility","tag-pursuing-dreams","tag-self-expression","tag-shame","tag-truth","tag-vulnerability"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/melissasimonson.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/258","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/melissasimonson.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/melissasimonson.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melissasimonson.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melissasimonson.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=258"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/melissasimonson.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/258\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":260,"href":"https:\/\/melissasimonson.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/258\/revisions\/260"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/melissasimonson.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=258"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melissasimonson.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=258"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melissasimonson.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=258"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}