Tag Archives: Vulnerability

Love Revelation: Do you remember what Surrender feels like?

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I woke up feeling heavy, on the verge of getting sick, like I could sleep forever. Efforting at my life, not loving my life, feeling lost and alone and in between. I managed to shower and put myself together and get my butt to a cafe. And then this happened: Out of the blue a dear special person in my life, who I’ve not been well-connected to lately texted me (conversation shared with permission) and so worth reading to the end.

Him: Just finished The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Goes nicely with Jed McKenna.

Me: Ooh! Thank you, Love!

Him: Been reading Jed?

Me: Yes. Stepped away from it briefly amidst my Brooklyn move (I’m there now!) a good reminder to revisit him.

Him: How’s NYC?

Me: It’s very NYC! Hahaha! I’m enjoying learning a new structural language for my life here and am also very tired. Needing to pace myself. Looking for a room to sublet while I rent a room from a friend for the month. Start the Landmark Introduction Leaders Program tomorrow, which I’m excited about–an opportunity to meet some amazing peeps and keep expanding. I’m in the midst of a big uplevel. Lots of stuff moving and shifting!

(Where the magic happens)

Him: Did you start some efforting again, Miss Simonson?

(Some internal resistance to this question)

Me: Hmmmmm…much of this has unfolded with ease. And yes, efforting. I guess I’m not experiencing a clear distinction between efforting and not efforting. I decided that I wanted to do the into leaders program which starts tomorrow, and I definitely had to move my booty to get here to fulfill on that desire. Truly, though, I think I’ve been pretty uplifted in this process. It’s more the daily coping with complete newness and being connected to the internal sense of home amidst perceived chaos. So yes, efforting. 🙂

Him: 🙂 Remember what surrender feels like?

Me: Yes.

Him: Which one do you prefer?

Me: SURRENDER!!!! 🙂

Him: Me too. 🙂 Do you remember your way back?

Me: Maybe not.

Him: You don’t create stuff that looks like what you’re thinking. You create stuff that looks like what you’re feeling.

Me: Mmmm…yes.

Him: So I would look for any places where you’ve placed a higher value on what you’re thinking about in the moment than on how you’re feeling in the moment. I would look for opportunities to say no to things I would have definitely said yes to in the past. I would make my default answer NO, unless it’s a HELL YES. But if it’s a hell yes, that’s pretty obvious.

Me: Yes. Like “making money” and “finding the perfect” apartment.

Him: Yeah, stop thinking about those things if they don’t light you up. Get back to lavish self-care.

Me: Def doing that…my heart says, “beauty please” so that’s what’s been pulling me. 🙂

Him: Good. Be monomaniacal about that.

Me: I love these insights so much. Thank you!

Him: Lose yourself in creating beauty for you. Forget everything else.

Me: Yay! Deep nourishing breath filling my lungs…

Him: That’s truth recognition.

Me: Yes…as are the watery eyes.

Him: If you create from wanting safety, approval, and control, you create a world where you need those things. And they’re all imaginary. I prefer a world where I’m free from wanting those things.

Me: I can feel the distinction. Perfect.

Him: Wanting is the opposite of having. If you don’t want them, you never lose them. You’re perfect. And your existence is the gift. Not your struggle.

Me: Smile of truth recognition.

Him: Just be. No doing required – ever.

Me: You are amazing. Thank you for this precious gift.

Him: Always a pleasure to give you back to you. 🙂

And I’m left feeling opened, softened and deeply loved. I am so blessed.

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Love Revelation: Listening for “home”

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It is a weird and uncomfortable experience to not have a clear sense of “home.” Today marks my 2nd full day in Brooklyn and Yesterday’s big accomplishments included finding a local grocery that I like so that I could actually have food at home, picking up odds and ends for daily living…I’m of course, already noticing the things that I forgot to bring, the items that I had no idea would be essential in this new space. And, oh, I didn’t get lost yesterday, which was cool. 

The emotional experience, right now is one of total ungroundedness, searching for center, for the SENSE of home. I find it and create it in little moments and then it’s gone again, to then, rediscover it in another moment. Lavender essential oil filling my room, time spent with my journal, watching a favorite TV show online and reading before bed, nourishing food, my favorite lotion, creating order in my new space. There is a deep need to find and create the familiar within this completely unfamiliar place. I feel invisible and disconnected from who I am, what matters to me, what I want, what I need. And yet, the preciousness of this time is that I get to rediscover and perhaps discover for the first time, the answer to these essential questions.

My main inspiration, right now, lies in creating and relishing in beauty. Nourishing my body with movement and good food. Making my space pretty. Creating a sense of grounded spaciousness with lovely smells. Creating softness and lightness in my experience.

There are powerful fears lurking beneath the surface that I’ll get stuck and consumed by a mode of survival, that I will lose sight of who I am, that I’ll forget and disappear somehow, that I won’t accomplish what matters to me in my heart…and my inner Wise Woman is smiling at me as she reminds me I’ve only been here for 2 days. Now is not the time to climb mountains, it is time to rest in the valley, to gather up strength, to listen within for what is “home” and then to lean into those experiences with all of my heart. That sense of home will guide me, will pull to exactly who, what and where I need to be.

And so I honor my fear for not letting me forget that I am a leader feeling called to accomplish big, loving things in the months and years ahead. And for now, I bring myself back to the here and now, I meet myself with gentleness and patience and ease, and I listen and follow the voice of home that lives in my belly and my bones.

And as I write these words while listening deeply to my inner landscape, I hear a soft whisper telling me that magic awaits, and I am smiling, tears glistening in my eyes.

xo Melissa

P.S. Feel inspired to support my soul journey to NYC while claiming AMAZING rewards–like the opportunity to be supported by me through your own transformation at kickass discount prices? Visit: http://www.gofundme.com/MelissaNYCJourney to learn more!

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Love Revelation: Will you hold my hand through the unknown?

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I’ve created an amazing opportunity for you to experience the Soul Mapping Journey at a 50% reduced cost until March 31st. But first, this week’s Love Revelation.

It’s been awhile since I’ve taken a moment to still myself and write from my heart. I’m flying out to Brooklyn, NY on Saturday to begin this next chapter of my life, and my brain has been full–from the moment I awake in the morning, I have been consumed with all that there is to do with this move, and this wouldn’t be a love revelation if I didn’t admit that there is lots and lots of anxiety mixed in with the to-do’s.

I took some time out to journal this morning and slow down my thought process and I saw how scared that I am. It’s not that there isn’t excitement in there, ’cause there is definitely that, and there is also loads of vague anxiety. A sense that I’m dropping the ball, somehow. A fear that I’m going to struggle financially. A deep longing for peace, ease, and solid security.

Much of this is just my mind, body and spirit reacting to mega change. My fight or flight response is in hyper-drive, right now. There is a need to allow myself to be with the fear, to validate it, to thank it for doing its job–to be with myself as I would be with a child who is under my care and protection as we make this big transition.

And then there are the parts that I can simply remedy with clarity, with continuing to be in communication with those around me, with creating plans and structure that have me knowing that no matter what, I will always have my back. 

And it’s for that reason that I decided to create a crowd-funding campaign and open myself to receive your help and support. The money part is, of course, an essential piece in my making this transition in a sustainable way, and there is something deeper than that. The support that I have received so far has buoyed my spirit, it has created a sense of connection and an awareness that I am truly not alone in a way that I so need, right now.

Because the truth is, going through transformation can be the most alone experience that we go through…it can feel like we’re lost and in between worlds. And it doesn’t HAVE to feel that way. Taking on this move to NYC has been a powerful lesson in that for me. I don’t have to go it alone, and I’m choosing not to. None of us have to go it alone.

It is my commitment through my Soul-Mapping Journey program to hold people’s hand as they choose to pursue their passions and follow the call of their souls, and now, I’m inviting you to hold mine as I take my own soul journey. 

Will you hold my hand and make a powerful difference in my life as I take this powerful step in the direction in my dreams? Will you give yourself the gift of not only knowing yourself as a powerful contribution in my life and in the world, but also through receiving the cool opportunities (like the Soul Mapping Journey at 50% off) that I created as rewards for the campaign?

You can watch the inspirational video I created, support the campaign, learn more, share it, and claim your own amazing transformational rewards by clicking here: 

Thank you for being with me on this journey. You make a true difference in my life with your presence and love.

If you are thinking that you would love to receive the Soul Mapping Journey at this kick-booty discount and you’re wondering how the program will make a powerful difference in your life, I offer a Free Discovery Session to all those who are ready to to get unstuck, to have clarity, and to take action in alignment with their soul purpose–and experience great freedom and joy as a result. In this Free Discovery Session, we will get clear on whether or not The Soul Mapping Sessions are a perfect right fit for you, and you will receive:

  • Clarity around your core needs & longings right now
  • Clarity around how you can meet those core needs & longings
  • An unleashed desire to pursue your passions
  • Unconditional love & acceptance for who you are and where you are in your life, right now
  • Full access to tools that you can use to create a life that you love

That’s a lot of deliciousness, no?

Your soulful calls to action:

1) Email me with why you would love to experience a FREE 1-hour Discovery Session with me.
2) I’ll send you a link to my calendar so we can make that happen!
3) Visit my GoFundMe page and check out all of the awesome, awesome rewards: http://www.gofundme.com/MelissaNYCJourney

I love you.

:)Melissa

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Love Revelation: Being real can be so damn hard, sometimes.

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seriouscafe

Sometimes it can be so hard to be real. Shame kicks in and permeates all
that I feel and I’m left hiding something that I don’t know I’m hiding. Trying my best to wear a smile. Pretending that something inside of me isn’t bending to the breaking point.

The truth is I’ve been living each day with overwhelm, with fear, with anxiety.

I’m moving from Madison, WI to NYC in a month, and its the biggest change I’ve ever chosen. Most days I’m just so focused on overcoming fear and wondering what I have begun. I’m in a process of becoming, and it’s a process of coming undone.

And I’ve felt really alone. I’ve felt unsure of myself. I have closed myself off with judgment.

Like, somehow, I’m supposed to know how to do this. Or I should be able to do this “better.” Like, somehow, I should be more excited then I am. I should be floating when I often feel like I’m drowning instead.

But transformation is a mess, and the truth is I’m doing my best. And my best is fucking beautiful.

My best includes moments of deep aloneness followed by the choice to open up and share myself…intimately

My best includes days when I don’t want to get out of bed, afternoons spent watching movies, to creating from inspiration and putting my thoughts into poetry.

My best includes a month of feeling dizzy and going to the gym anyway.

It includes serving in the deepest way and believing in the work I do even when I’ve created something new and I don’t know the next time that I’ll get paid.

It includes having the courage to leave the only home I’ve ever known to move cross-country

to forge ahead, to expand, and build my life on possibility

My best is my choosing to follow a dream no matter how unreasonable it all may seem.

Yes, being real can be truly hard, until I choose to let go and remember I’m not alone

because all that I am, you are.

Love Revelation: Asking for help is really f@#%ing scary for me.

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I’m deeply aware, right now, that the experience of reaching out with a request for help is up there on the list with my most vulnerable, shame-inducing experiences–particularly when it comes to asking people to support me in getting the word out about my work. Just writing these words is causing a tightness in my heart and throat.

My people-pleasing self learned at a young age how to be super self-reliant. It’s one of my superpowers that I can figure out most anything that I set my mind to accomplishing. And yet, it is also one of my biggest downfalls. In part, because I’ve gotten so good at “figuring it all out” by myself that I can be completely unaware of when I actually NEED help and in what ways. I have a tremendously difficult time getting clear on and articulating how I would like to receive support–it’s so scary and challenging for me to claim what I want out loud. Even when someone simply asks, “how can I help?” my mind freezes and I feel all of this pressure not to ask for TOO much. I find myself not even knowing what to say in response to this question.

And it’s exhausting and incredibly limiting. In all of the ways that I’ve learned to go it alone, I can also put a cap on the potential of my life. I’m reminded as I write these words of the African Proverb that is often seen circulating around: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” There are times when we need to go it alone and there are times when we are more powerful when we journey together. This time of MEGA transition in my life is one of those times when it’s not serving me to go it alone, and I am floundering in my capacity to reach out.

Asking for help is messy. There is all of this fear around what people will think (I always make the people who I’m reaching out to SO much more important and powerful than I am in my mind). Questions like, “What do I have to offer them in return?” come up for me. Questions like, “Why aren’t you capable of figuring this out yourself?” come up. Thoughts like “You’re so self-centered” come up. There is fear around asking for help in the “wrong way,” somehow, and not receiving the support that I need. There is a deep down fear of not actually belonging, of not being loved, of no one wanting to help and so I isolate myself. I focus on what I can figure out on my own, and I live an existence smaller than I can even fathom. I rob myself of the love and belonging that I so desire to experience in my life, and so often I feel really, really alone.

I’m teary as I write this because I’m tapping into some core truths that have really needed my attention, and I’m finding myself taking deep breaths and knowing that it is time for me to take some courageous action in my life. It’s time to be raw and real and generous with my humanity. I need help, and no one will ever know unless I ask for what I want to receive.

And so, I’m going to be sending out some emails and making phone calls requesting help, and I’ll be practicing at those things called community, and belonging…and receiving love…and learning what it means to journey farther than I can on my own.