Tag Archives: Truth

My Soul Said, “STOP!”

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Sometimes in life you just have to stop. Everything.

Even when it means losing money, losing a reputation, losing relationships, losing…yourSELF.

And that is what I am now committed to: Losing my self. Shedding layer after layer of falseness. The identity created by a little girl to try to cope with the harshness of life. The identity of a little girl trained to please. The identity created by a little girl terrified of losing love.

As if love is ever anything that we can lose.

Here’s what I’m coming to discover: The ego is constantly working to obtain 3 things–Safety, Control and Approval–and like a master of illusion, it is constantly masking the pursuit of these three goals with all kinds of pretty, shiny, good intentions.

Like transforming lives, making a difference, making people feel good, inspiring people (For me, these have all been lovely masks for getting approval)

Making money, getting clients, growing my business, marketing, etc. (great masks for attempting to obtain safety and control)

And there is nothing wrong with all of these things that I was doing. It’s just that as long as I’m trying to meet the needs of my quenchless ego, I am not free–climbing up the mountain to fall down, to climb up and fall down again. I finally saw, with eyes wide open, the futility of this search. Every moment that I feel I need to explain myself. Doing work that I don’t want to do in order to make money. Agreeing to do things and committing to things when my heart says, “NO.” All of it was out of a drive to obtain safety, control and approval. And while I never actually felt fully safe, in control or like I had the whole world’s approval, I certainly experienced a whole lot of suffering-a bipolar roller-coaster of having what I want to then lose it again. As long as I am attached, the experience of infinite love, of Truth, of limitless freedom will elude me.

And because a long, long time ago, I prayed for the complete freedom of infinite surrender, it’s so perfect that I found myself a couple of months ago unable to go on as I was. I came right smack up against the edges of my identity and suddenly I felt trapped, exhausted, and with no where to turn. The only thing I could see to do was to just stop.

And so, in the midst of a “60 sessions in 60 days” campaign, I did just that. I cancelled sessions. I stopped marketing my business. I deactivated Facebook. After years of building a following as someone who inspires, I just turned it all off.

I’m currently not clear on next steps. I am not a caterpillar. I’m not a butterfly. Most days, right now, I feel like the goo in the chrysalis. Formless. Both dying and also becoming. Lots of stuff is happening, and at the same time, I’m being stripped down to nothing. At moments (the ones where my ego is grasping for safety, control and approval), I am terrified. At other moments, this nothingness is pure freedom.

I have been playing music and doing some song-writing. I feel inspired to busk in NYC parks and subways, and am facing some fears as I step into that space. I feel called to start sharing my gifts freely and widely–where people gather to listen with open hearts, I will sing and speak.

I’m still inspired by my gifts as an Astrologer because I see the power in revealing your soul purpose and the gift it is to you. I see that through that work I take people to the deep essence of who they are and align you with where your freedom and deep fulfillment live. I’m here to wake people up as I too am on this path of awakening. If you are called to connect with the deepest purpose of your soul, to see yourself and be seen as you never have before, and to discover how to let go of all that holds you back…I want to speak to you. We have great gifts for one another.

What it comes down to is that I just don’t give a shit anymore about the things I used to think mattered. I’m waking up…and in the process, this character I created is dying. I don’t even know the woman who created this website anymore…she is like a friend I used to know. For now, I’m using it because it’s here and serves my purposes of the moment. In the months ahead…who knows? I’m now on a path of infinite surrender. My current prayer: “Thy will be done.” This prayer is bittersweet…so much letting go, and moments of immense grief…and moments of deep love and gratitude. I am letting go and feeling myself soften into that surrender more fully with each day that passes as I align my personal will with divine will.

And in this letting go of who I thought I was and who I think I am…I am opening to discover myself as I would a new love…with pleasurable curiosity and delight at what I find. It is the primordial love affair. As it turns out, I am my soul mate, and I’m meeting me for the first time.

With deepest love for you, Beloved.

Melissa

Love Revelation: Thinking…plus action…makes it so

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Tonight’s magical NYC subway adventure included a conversation with a very close-talking, surprisingly profound and maybe a little psychic drunk man telling me that he was “very attracted to my light” and that I belong on Stephen Colbert or Broadway, 🙂 , followed by a deep conversation with a man newly studying to be a lawyer about, NLP, Eckhart Tolle’s the Power of Now, Jed Mckenna, Byron Katie, Landmark Worldwide (It was a long train ride from the city at this hour).

And the evening ended with a text message from this new friend: “Melissa, amazing connecting with you. your journey is going to be as beautiful as you decide to make it. Thinking makes it so.”

This whole night began with my heading into the city to grab a drink with a lovely man who I met on the Subway last week who was reading an inspirational book that grabbed my attention.

All of my life, people have warned me to “keep my guard up” and worried about my daring willingness to leap into the unknown, befriend strangers, and go off the beaten path. Even in the midst of connecting with kind strangers like this man, I’m met with concern that I be careful in whom I put my trust.

The fact of the matter is that I wholeheartedly trust me and my inner guidance system. I’m just really good at following the YES in my heart and also listening for the NO, and nearly 33 years into this life I’m living, which has included travel to other countries and cities and meeting countless people, I have yet to have experienced anything short of magic.

I’m not lucky or extra blessed or extra special in my experience of miracles showing up daily in my life. I’ve just chosen to show up wherever I am from a place of wonder and a desire to connect, of sharing myself and discovering the light inside of others.

Love begets more love y’all. And as my lovely new friend said, “thinking makes it so.”

:)Melissa

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Love Revelation: The lie that I tell…

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So, I have this lie that I tell.

I tell it every time I walk into a group of people…the bigger the group, the bigger the lie. I tell it when I’m the “new girl” or I’m about to embark on something completely new and out of my comfort zone.

It goes something like this:

“I don’t belong here. I’m invisible. Everyone knows what they’re doing except me and no one cares that I feel lost. No one even cares if I am here or not…”

This lie seemed to get crystallized around age 10, the first week of band class when I picked up my flute to play a song I knew well…and unbeknownst to me, the band was playing it in a different key…but since I didn’t know that, all I thought was, “I’m wrong and I don’t even know why and no one cares.” If it weren’t for my dad getting me extra help when I came home crying and wanting to quit, I wouldn’t be playing flute today.

And the funny thing is, I’m not 10 anymore, but that memory, that feeling, can live itself over and over again every time I step into a new situation with a group of people, and every time, I want to quit, to walk away, to find the escape hatch.

And it’s a lie because the truth is, I belong the moment that I say I belong. I belong the moment that I step outside of my “what about me” fears and get present, really present and engage with the people around me. I belong when I get that every single person on this planet is a contribution, and I can choose to be a powerful, loving contribution.

I belong when I express myself, all of myself, when I share from my heart and create the space for others to share from their hearts.

I discover with a little more ease each time I start to tell this lie that if I want to belong, I need to create a space where others belong.

I’ve found that life is so much more powerful when I give away what I want the most.

So I ask you: What are you going to give away today?

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Love Revelation: Do you remember what Surrender feels like?

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I woke up feeling heavy, on the verge of getting sick, like I could sleep forever. Efforting at my life, not loving my life, feeling lost and alone and in between. I managed to shower and put myself together and get my butt to a cafe. And then this happened: Out of the blue a dear special person in my life, who I’ve not been well-connected to lately texted me (conversation shared with permission) and so worth reading to the end.

Him: Just finished The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Goes nicely with Jed McKenna.

Me: Ooh! Thank you, Love!

Him: Been reading Jed?

Me: Yes. Stepped away from it briefly amidst my Brooklyn move (I’m there now!) a good reminder to revisit him.

Him: How’s NYC?

Me: It’s very NYC! Hahaha! I’m enjoying learning a new structural language for my life here and am also very tired. Needing to pace myself. Looking for a room to sublet while I rent a room from a friend for the month. Start the Landmark Introduction Leaders Program tomorrow, which I’m excited about–an opportunity to meet some amazing peeps and keep expanding. I’m in the midst of a big uplevel. Lots of stuff moving and shifting!

(Where the magic happens)

Him: Did you start some efforting again, Miss Simonson?

(Some internal resistance to this question)

Me: Hmmmmm…much of this has unfolded with ease. And yes, efforting. I guess I’m not experiencing a clear distinction between efforting and not efforting. I decided that I wanted to do the into leaders program which starts tomorrow, and I definitely had to move my booty to get here to fulfill on that desire. Truly, though, I think I’ve been pretty uplifted in this process. It’s more the daily coping with complete newness and being connected to the internal sense of home amidst perceived chaos. So yes, efforting. 🙂

Him: 🙂 Remember what surrender feels like?

Me: Yes.

Him: Which one do you prefer?

Me: SURRENDER!!!! 🙂

Him: Me too. 🙂 Do you remember your way back?

Me: Maybe not.

Him: You don’t create stuff that looks like what you’re thinking. You create stuff that looks like what you’re feeling.

Me: Mmmm…yes.

Him: So I would look for any places where you’ve placed a higher value on what you’re thinking about in the moment than on how you’re feeling in the moment. I would look for opportunities to say no to things I would have definitely said yes to in the past. I would make my default answer NO, unless it’s a HELL YES. But if it’s a hell yes, that’s pretty obvious.

Me: Yes. Like “making money” and “finding the perfect” apartment.

Him: Yeah, stop thinking about those things if they don’t light you up. Get back to lavish self-care.

Me: Def doing that…my heart says, “beauty please” so that’s what’s been pulling me. 🙂

Him: Good. Be monomaniacal about that.

Me: I love these insights so much. Thank you!

Him: Lose yourself in creating beauty for you. Forget everything else.

Me: Yay! Deep nourishing breath filling my lungs…

Him: That’s truth recognition.

Me: Yes…as are the watery eyes.

Him: If you create from wanting safety, approval, and control, you create a world where you need those things. And they’re all imaginary. I prefer a world where I’m free from wanting those things.

Me: I can feel the distinction. Perfect.

Him: Wanting is the opposite of having. If you don’t want them, you never lose them. You’re perfect. And your existence is the gift. Not your struggle.

Me: Smile of truth recognition.

Him: Just be. No doing required – ever.

Me: You are amazing. Thank you for this precious gift.

Him: Always a pleasure to give you back to you. 🙂

And I’m left feeling opened, softened and deeply loved. I am so blessed.

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Love Revelation: Stuck? Confused? Afraid to make a wrong move? I get you. I’m with you on that path.

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A few years ago, I experienced a channeled angelic reading in which I learned about the soul contract I created before coming into this life. It was transformative and profound for me–mostly because what she said resonated with me deeply as truth and also because I had never lived my life believing in or experiencing the presence of angels. I am deeply grateful to Audrey Cole, that amazing channeler, for the gift she offered me through her abilities.

I find myself thinking about this reading today because she expressed very clearly that in creating my soul contract, I asked for the ability to speak my truth in all of its forms and that I am here to be a divine messenger–that the more honest and real that I get in sharing my experience the farther my reach will become, the more people I will touch with my light and the more love I will receive in the process. She expressed that I know deep down that everyone has a story to tell, and I’m here to melt away feelings of shame and unworthiness, and transform them into love.

As tears formed in my eyes and I was nodding YES around every turn, she also said this one thing that is very present with me today: When forming my soul contract, I also asked that I go through LOTS & LOTS of challenging experiences so that I could know what it is to be truly heartbroken, to nearly fail, to have doubts–to have true empathy for the fear of not being a success. And whether I contracted for this in my life or not, I am very aware that I am consciously choosing to take on this move to Brooklyn, NY for this very reason–this move is just one of many choices I’ve made over the course of my life to expand my edges and discover what is truly possible for me…and for you. I want to feel it all, to experience it all so that I have that much more compassion, that much more insight to offer as I hold space for others who are also in the process of pursuing their dreams with everything that they have.

It is for this choice to take on my dreams with such vigor, to thrust myself into the unknown murky waters of transformation that I am so brilliant at what I do. Just like my experience of Audrey Cole, I hold up a mirror for my clients to see ALL of who they are and the sacred gifts they are here to offer, and the actions they can take that are truly in alignment with their soul’s purpose. I create an experience of deep clarity, of beauty, of understanding–and I do it all with a great amount of empathy and gentleness because I continually choose to walk WAY outside of my comfort zone again and again. If I did, indeed, contract to take my life on in this way, I’m SO grateful to my sweet soul for that choice. And on the days where life feels unbearably hard for me, I love to come back to that reminder: Oh yeah. I chose this. I’m here to serve, and this path I am on is the perfect curriculum for RADICAL service.

And so, If you find yourself swept up in overwhelm, terrified of taking a wrong step, doubting yourself, fearing that you will not succeed on the brave path that you have chosen–I get you. I am with you on that path. And if you find yourself longing to take on your life as an adventure, to pursue a deep down joyous dream, and you feel paralyzed to even begin, you feel stuck and confused, you can’t find the first step–I get you. I am with you on that path. If you are struggling to hear the call of your inner voice amidst all of the outside voices, if you are struggling to balance what you want with the wants of all those around you, if you are afraid of disappointing, of losing love and support somehow as a result of your choices–I get you. I am with you on that path.

And I was born to serve you, to meet you exactly where you are, to support you as you unleash, to love you as you doubt yourself. I was born to get you and to help you gain access to ALL of who you are so that you can fall madly in love with yourself, pursue your dreams and create deep fulfillment in your life and relationships. This is what I offer you through my soul-mapping work, and I’ve been practicing my entire life in order to serve you in the highest. And as I continue to dive into the depths of my own dreams, my capacity to hold space for you will only grow.

How frickin’ cool is that?

I love you.

:)Melissa

©2014 Melissa Simonson