Tag Archives: Surrender

Love Revelation: Do you remember what Surrender feels like?

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I woke up feeling heavy, on the verge of getting sick, like I could sleep forever. Efforting at my life, not loving my life, feeling lost and alone and in between. I managed to shower and put myself together and get my butt to a cafe. And then this happened: Out of the blue a dear special person in my life, who I’ve not been well-connected to lately texted me (conversation shared with permission) and so worth reading to the end.

Him: Just finished The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Goes nicely with Jed McKenna.

Me: Ooh! Thank you, Love!

Him: Been reading Jed?

Me: Yes. Stepped away from it briefly amidst my Brooklyn move (I’m there now!) a good reminder to revisit him.

Him: How’s NYC?

Me: It’s very NYC! Hahaha! I’m enjoying learning a new structural language for my life here and am also very tired. Needing to pace myself. Looking for a room to sublet while I rent a room from a friend for the month. Start the Landmark Introduction Leaders Program tomorrow, which I’m excited about–an opportunity to meet some amazing peeps and keep expanding. I’m in the midst of a big uplevel. Lots of stuff moving and shifting!

(Where the magic happens)

Him: Did you start some efforting again, Miss Simonson?

(Some internal resistance to this question)

Me: Hmmmmm…much of this has unfolded with ease. And yes, efforting. I guess I’m not experiencing a clear distinction between efforting and not efforting. I decided that I wanted to do the into leaders program which starts tomorrow, and I definitely had to move my booty to get here to fulfill on that desire. Truly, though, I think I’ve been pretty uplifted in this process. It’s more the daily coping with complete newness and being connected to the internal sense of home amidst perceived chaos. So yes, efforting. 🙂

Him: 🙂 Remember what surrender feels like?

Me: Yes.

Him: Which one do you prefer?

Me: SURRENDER!!!! 🙂

Him: Me too. 🙂 Do you remember your way back?

Me: Maybe not.

Him: You don’t create stuff that looks like what you’re thinking. You create stuff that looks like what you’re feeling.

Me: Mmmm…yes.

Him: So I would look for any places where you’ve placed a higher value on what you’re thinking about in the moment than on how you’re feeling in the moment. I would look for opportunities to say no to things I would have definitely said yes to in the past. I would make my default answer NO, unless it’s a HELL YES. But if it’s a hell yes, that’s pretty obvious.

Me: Yes. Like “making money” and “finding the perfect” apartment.

Him: Yeah, stop thinking about those things if they don’t light you up. Get back to lavish self-care.

Me: Def doing that…my heart says, “beauty please” so that’s what’s been pulling me. 🙂

Him: Good. Be monomaniacal about that.

Me: I love these insights so much. Thank you!

Him: Lose yourself in creating beauty for you. Forget everything else.

Me: Yay! Deep nourishing breath filling my lungs…

Him: That’s truth recognition.

Me: Yes…as are the watery eyes.

Him: If you create from wanting safety, approval, and control, you create a world where you need those things. And they’re all imaginary. I prefer a world where I’m free from wanting those things.

Me: I can feel the distinction. Perfect.

Him: Wanting is the opposite of having. If you don’t want them, you never lose them. You’re perfect. And your existence is the gift. Not your struggle.

Me: Smile of truth recognition.

Him: Just be. No doing required – ever.

Me: You are amazing. Thank you for this precious gift.

Him: Always a pleasure to give you back to you. 🙂

And I’m left feeling opened, softened and deeply loved. I am so blessed.

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Love Revelation: Listening for “home”

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It is a weird and uncomfortable experience to not have a clear sense of “home.” Today marks my 2nd full day in Brooklyn and Yesterday’s big accomplishments included finding a local grocery that I like so that I could actually have food at home, picking up odds and ends for daily living…I’m of course, already noticing the things that I forgot to bring, the items that I had no idea would be essential in this new space. And, oh, I didn’t get lost yesterday, which was cool. 

The emotional experience, right now is one of total ungroundedness, searching for center, for the SENSE of home. I find it and create it in little moments and then it’s gone again, to then, rediscover it in another moment. Lavender essential oil filling my room, time spent with my journal, watching a favorite TV show online and reading before bed, nourishing food, my favorite lotion, creating order in my new space. There is a deep need to find and create the familiar within this completely unfamiliar place. I feel invisible and disconnected from who I am, what matters to me, what I want, what I need. And yet, the preciousness of this time is that I get to rediscover and perhaps discover for the first time, the answer to these essential questions.

My main inspiration, right now, lies in creating and relishing in beauty. Nourishing my body with movement and good food. Making my space pretty. Creating a sense of grounded spaciousness with lovely smells. Creating softness and lightness in my experience.

There are powerful fears lurking beneath the surface that I’ll get stuck and consumed by a mode of survival, that I will lose sight of who I am, that I’ll forget and disappear somehow, that I won’t accomplish what matters to me in my heart…and my inner Wise Woman is smiling at me as she reminds me I’ve only been here for 2 days. Now is not the time to climb mountains, it is time to rest in the valley, to gather up strength, to listen within for what is “home” and then to lean into those experiences with all of my heart. That sense of home will guide me, will pull to exactly who, what and where I need to be.

And so I honor my fear for not letting me forget that I am a leader feeling called to accomplish big, loving things in the months and years ahead. And for now, I bring myself back to the here and now, I meet myself with gentleness and patience and ease, and I listen and follow the voice of home that lives in my belly and my bones.

And as I write these words while listening deeply to my inner landscape, I hear a soft whisper telling me that magic awaits, and I am smiling, tears glistening in my eyes.

xo Melissa

P.S. Feel inspired to support my soul journey to NYC while claiming AMAZING rewards–like the opportunity to be supported by me through your own transformation at kickass discount prices? Visit: http://www.gofundme.com/MelissaNYCJourney to learn more!

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Love Revelation: Burned Up in the Fire

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Melissa SImonson Red

I’ve come to learn that freedom doesn’t come
without first being burned up in the fire

I must first let go of my desire to never get hurt
Stop trying to conspire for the perfect ending
Stop defending myself
Stop pretending to be what I’m not

There is no easy exit
No temporary fix on the path to getting free
There is only integrity, honesty
The truth of me
All of the stuff I’m afraid to let you see

I get afraid to lose my grip on reality
Afraid to tip the scales
And feel the gravity of my choices
As the voice inside of me screams
For me to trust, to give it all up
And surrender to the stream
That is my life

No more striving for an illusion of control
As confusion rolls over my every move
There is only one thing to do, and nothing to prove:
Just speak the truth

Get burned up in the fire
so that all that’s left of me
Is not my story

but the woman I was born to be

Much Love,

Melissa

Photography by Frank Sommers

Love Revelation: Rebirthing Myself

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My 2nd full day in Brooklyn, NY and I’ve found myself feeling more vulnerable than I can recall ever having experienced in my adult life. Confronted with the unfamiliar around every corner and longing for a sense of comfort and ease as I take on that I will be living here 2 months from now, I found myself overcome with overwhelm, with a sense of being deeply alone, lost and uncertain. I found myself wanting to take back every promise, every commitment to be here and crawl back to the pillowly softness of the life that I know. As someone who LOVES to be in the KNOW and has to challenge herself to take on things that she’s not guaranteed to be good at one way or another…I’m about a thousand miles outside of my comfort zone, both literally and figuratively.

And as I sat there this afternoon writing in an unfamiliar cafe, trying to get my finger on the pulse of the whirlwind of emotions pouring through my veins, I realized that this must be a glimpse at what it felt like to be born. Thrust from the warmth of the womb I’ve known for the entirety of my existence into a harsh new world–to see light for the first time, and hear clear sounds and be smacked on the back as I wailed at the top of my lungs. And isn’t crying to be expected? Is it not part of the initiation of life itself? What else is there to do when experiencing the intensity of it all than to just let it all out?

And so that’s what I did. I sat, writing in that cafe and tears began to spill forth from my eyes. And at first, I was embarrassed and I worried about people noticing as I quickly raised my hands to clear them away, and then, it became clear that there was no stopping these tears. They needed release. I needed release. In the midst of the unfamiliar, of my own re-birth, I was baptized by my tears and I came back home to myself. As I purged my thoughts on the page, I felt held by the honesty of my words. I was seen and heard and I was safe.

And from there, I was able to open up in awe of my courage, and I felt a celebration welling up from my belly. This is freaking terrifying, and yet I’m choosing it because I know in my soul that life’s greatest rewards are born out of the choice to walk through the fire, to be confronted, and to surrender to the mystery of it all.

There will be more days like this ahead for me–where nothing feels right, where I have no idea how it’s all going to turn out and I just want to “go home.” AND I just made it through the first one. There is so much to honor and celebrate about that.

This is what loving me looked like today.

Love Revelation: Creating 2014

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The words that come to mind as I begin to create 2014: Surrender, Ease, Play, Presence.

Sacred Flow.

This year, I’m committed to filling my space with people, activities, places and ways of being that fill me to overflowing. I intend to serve from a deep wellspring of generosity & compassion, and I’m committed to being so nourished that creativity pours forth from my spirit like a sparkling fountain.

I’m committed to feeling so surrounded by love that my presence inspires others to know that they, too, are surrounded by this same love. I want to know myself as capable, powerful and limitless, so that others might know themselves in this same way.

And ultimately, I want to be in FLOW–trusting in the Divine that speaks through my inner knowing, trusting in life’s miraculous unfolding. I want to surrender so deeply that I can’t help but giggle at how silly I ever was to harbor a single worry. I intend to be giddy with delight as I discover how infinitely supported that I truly am, as decisions unfold with ease and I create my life, effortlessly.

2014 is the year of discovering what’s possible when I simply let go. I’m choosing to let the current take me, and I’m ready to live in awe of this journey as I listen & follow the deep call of my soul.

It’s gonna be a frickin’ extraordinary year. I’m already smiling with awe and gratitude. And so it is.

:)Melissa