Tag Archives: Self-Expression

Love Revelation: The lie that I tell…

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So, I have this lie that I tell.

I tell it every time I walk into a group of people…the bigger the group, the bigger the lie. I tell it when I’m the “new girl” or I’m about to embark on something completely new and out of my comfort zone.

It goes something like this:

“I don’t belong here. I’m invisible. Everyone knows what they’re doing except me and no one cares that I feel lost. No one even cares if I am here or not…”

This lie seemed to get crystallized around age 10, the first week of band class when I picked up my flute to play a song I knew well…and unbeknownst to me, the band was playing it in a different key…but since I didn’t know that, all I thought was, “I’m wrong and I don’t even know why and no one cares.” If it weren’t for my dad getting me extra help when I came home crying and wanting to quit, I wouldn’t be playing flute today.

And the funny thing is, I’m not 10 anymore, but that memory, that feeling, can live itself over and over again every time I step into a new situation with a group of people, and every time, I want to quit, to walk away, to find the escape hatch.

And it’s a lie because the truth is, I belong the moment that I say I belong. I belong the moment that I step outside of my “what about me” fears and get present, really present and engage with the people around me. I belong when I get that every single person on this planet is a contribution, and I can choose to be a powerful, loving contribution.

I belong when I express myself, all of myself, when I share from my heart and create the space for others to share from their hearts.

I discover with a little more ease each time I start to tell this lie that if I want to belong, I need to create a space where others belong.

I’ve found that life is so much more powerful when I give away what I want the most.

So I ask you: What are you going to give away today?

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Love Revelation: Being real can be so damn hard, sometimes.

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seriouscafe

Sometimes it can be so hard to be real. Shame kicks in and permeates all
that I feel and I’m left hiding something that I don’t know I’m hiding. Trying my best to wear a smile. Pretending that something inside of me isn’t bending to the breaking point.

The truth is I’ve been living each day with overwhelm, with fear, with anxiety.

I’m moving from Madison, WI to NYC in a month, and its the biggest change I’ve ever chosen. Most days I’m just so focused on overcoming fear and wondering what I have begun. I’m in a process of becoming, and it’s a process of coming undone.

And I’ve felt really alone. I’ve felt unsure of myself. I have closed myself off with judgment.

Like, somehow, I’m supposed to know how to do this. Or I should be able to do this “better.” Like, somehow, I should be more excited then I am. I should be floating when I often feel like I’m drowning instead.

But transformation is a mess, and the truth is I’m doing my best. And my best is fucking beautiful.

My best includes moments of deep aloneness followed by the choice to open up and share myself…intimately

My best includes days when I don’t want to get out of bed, afternoons spent watching movies, to creating from inspiration and putting my thoughts into poetry.

My best includes a month of feeling dizzy and going to the gym anyway.

It includes serving in the deepest way and believing in the work I do even when I’ve created something new and I don’t know the next time that I’ll get paid.

It includes having the courage to leave the only home I’ve ever known to move cross-country

to forge ahead, to expand, and build my life on possibility

My best is my choosing to follow a dream no matter how unreasonable it all may seem.

Yes, being real can be truly hard, until I choose to let go and remember I’m not alone

because all that I am, you are.

Love Revelation: Burned Up in the Fire

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Melissa SImonson Red

I’ve come to learn that freedom doesn’t come
without first being burned up in the fire

I must first let go of my desire to never get hurt
Stop trying to conspire for the perfect ending
Stop defending myself
Stop pretending to be what I’m not

There is no easy exit
No temporary fix on the path to getting free
There is only integrity, honesty
The truth of me
All of the stuff I’m afraid to let you see

I get afraid to lose my grip on reality
Afraid to tip the scales
And feel the gravity of my choices
As the voice inside of me screams
For me to trust, to give it all up
And surrender to the stream
That is my life

No more striving for an illusion of control
As confusion rolls over my every move
There is only one thing to do, and nothing to prove:
Just speak the truth

Get burned up in the fire
so that all that’s left of me
Is not my story

but the woman I was born to be

Much Love,

Melissa

Photography by Frank Sommers

Love Revelation: My “I AM” Statement

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Another goody from exactly a year ago–I love that I spent today clarifying the gifts that I’m here to offer and 1 year ago, I was connecting with myself in the same way. I love seeing how much more comfortable that I am now in sharing my full expression & declaring my gifts. It’s been an AMAZING year, and I’ve created each day with such courage. And once again, the “I AM” statement that I wrote back in 2006 remains true today.

———————–

Melissa Simonson
Dec 30, 2012 near Monona, WI

Love Revelation: When I trained as a Life Coach in 2006, I was asked to create an “I Am” statement along with my classmates that represents my work in the world–the core essence of my being. It hangs on the wall of my office & yet, until now, I’ve been quite private about it. In a moment of great clarity & connection with myself, here is what I wrote: “I am an ever-present vessel of safety and compassion. I allow others the space to breathe in the truth of their being & blow out the fire of their voice from within. I am a stirrer of souls. A nurturer of beautiful transformation. A portal of divine wisdom.”

I feel in my heart with all of the recent changes in my life that this next year is asking me to fully embody this statement & to own it for myself & all those I’m meant to serve. I’ve found myself this evening hit by a wave of grief & anxiety over the unknowns that lie ahead for me. My heart is still heavy with processing the end of a relationship that meant a great deal to me & my head is full of questions about “how I’m going to pull off” this transition to full self-employment now that the safety net is gone. I found myself praying out loud as tears streamed down my face…& in a moment of pause, the “I Am” statement I wrote above came to mind. The thought that followed was, “Just be that.” Be who I am. Own it. Breathe.

And so I say now: Ok, God, let’s do this. I’m putting one foot in front of the other…not without my fear, but you get that and all of my other trust issues…& you love me, without condition. This year, I will do my best to love me without condition, too–to live boldly as all that I am & continue to become. Nervous, excited, & gratefully yours. Melissa