There is this deeply sacred part of me
who is emerging. blossoming.
becoming
loose. unleashed.
there is surrender here. vulnerability.
there is a tenderness birthing herself
warm and free.
all that I feel is magic.
the beauty that is all of me.
I am in wonder. I am in awe.
and I am
fiercely.
ardently.
zealously.
in love.
©2014 Melissa Simonson
It’s an incredibly vulnerable and weird experience to do a funding campaign.
Since launching my GoFundMe campaign to support my New York move a little over a month ago, I have been confronted by many uncomfortable feelings and thoughts.
“You look so needy.”
“People are gonna think that you don’t have your stuff together.”
“Asking for help on this level is just too much–people are going to be so annoyed and think you’re rude…and a little pathetic…for asking.”
Yes, I talk to myself like this in my head, and it hurts. And, there are days when these thoughts can almost stop me.
But here’s the thing: While YES, I asked for financial support in order to help ME transition my life to NYC, this campaign has been about SO MUCH more than me because WHO I AM is someone who wakes up everyday committed to making a loving difference in the world.
I have designed my life inside of the greater commitment to being an Ambassador of Radical Self-Love–of being someone by example, through my dedication to my work, through my creative expression, my family relationships, my friendships and through every day-to-day interaction to be a CAUSE for people to love who they are.
I live each day of my life committed to having others be LIT UP by their lives. I am committed to everyone knowing the freedom that comes with full self-expression, and to healing the shame that causes them to hide their true voice. I am committed to having people wake up in the morning with a smile on their face because they GET that they are truly loved & lovable in every moment.
So, for everyone who has contributed to this campaign and for all those who feel inspired to contribute, you’re not just donating money to me as I make my life in New York–you, right along with me, are choosing to be someone who is committed to creating a loving world.
THAT is the difference you make through donating to my crowd-funding campaign.
And so I’ve chosen to set all of my feelings of shame and thoughts of self-judgement aside because my life is NOT about looking good. I am a stand for love in the world, and so I’m choosing to risk what you’ll think of me, and choosing to invite you to be a powerful contribution along side me instead.
And so I want to ask, will you make the powerful choice to join me in creating a loving world?
Please visit http://www.gofundme.com/
Thanks for all that you are.
:)Melissa
©2014 Melissa Simonson
I woke up feeling heavy, on the verge of getting sick, like I could sleep forever. Efforting at my life, not loving my life, feeling lost and alone and in between. I managed to shower and put myself together and get my butt to a cafe. And then this happened: Out of the blue a dear special person in my life, who I’ve not been well-connected to lately texted me (conversation shared with permission) and so worth reading to the end.
Him: Just finished The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Goes nicely with Jed McKenna.
Me: Ooh! Thank you, Love!
Him: Been reading Jed?
Me: Yes. Stepped away from it briefly amidst my Brooklyn move (I’m there now!) a good reminder to revisit him.
Him: How’s NYC?
Me: It’s very NYC! Hahaha! I’m enjoying learning a new structural language for my life here and am also very tired. Needing to pace myself. Looking for a room to sublet while I rent a room from a friend for the month. Start the Landmark Introduction Leaders Program tomorrow, which I’m excited about–an opportunity to meet some amazing peeps and keep expanding. I’m in the midst of a big uplevel. Lots of stuff moving and shifting!
(Where the magic happens)
Him: Did you start some efforting again, Miss Simonson?
(Some internal resistance to this question)
Me: Hmmmmm…much of this has unfolded with ease. And yes, efforting. I guess I’m not experiencing a clear distinction between efforting and not efforting. I decided that I wanted to do the into leaders program which starts tomorrow, and I definitely had to move my booty to get here to fulfill on that desire. Truly, though, I think I’ve been pretty uplifted in this process. It’s more the daily coping with complete newness and being connected to the internal sense of home amidst perceived chaos. So yes, efforting. 🙂
Him: 🙂 Remember what surrender feels like?
Me: Yes.
Him: Which one do you prefer?
Me: SURRENDER!!!! 🙂
Him: Me too. 🙂 Do you remember your way back?
Me: Maybe not.
Him: You don’t create stuff that looks like what you’re thinking. You create stuff that looks like what you’re feeling.
Me: Mmmm…yes.
Him: So I would look for any places where you’ve placed a higher value on what you’re thinking about in the moment than on how you’re feeling in the moment. I would look for opportunities to say no to things I would have definitely said yes to in the past. I would make my default answer NO, unless it’s a HELL YES. But if it’s a hell yes, that’s pretty obvious.
Me: Yes. Like “making money” and “finding the perfect” apartment.
Him: Yeah, stop thinking about those things if they don’t light you up. Get back to lavish self-care.
Me: Def doing that…my heart says, “beauty please” so that’s what’s been pulling me. 🙂
Him: Good. Be monomaniacal about that.
Me: I love these insights so much. Thank you!
Him: Lose yourself in creating beauty for you. Forget everything else.
Me: Yay! Deep nourishing breath filling my lungs…
Him: That’s truth recognition.
Me: Yes…as are the watery eyes.
Him: If you create from wanting safety, approval, and control, you create a world where you need those things. And they’re all imaginary. I prefer a world where I’m free from wanting those things.
Me: I can feel the distinction. Perfect.
Him: Wanting is the opposite of having. If you don’t want them, you never lose them. You’re perfect. And your existence is the gift. Not your struggle.
Me: Smile of truth recognition.
Him: Just be. No doing required – ever.
Me: You are amazing. Thank you for this precious gift.
Him: Always a pleasure to give you back to you. 🙂
And I’m left feeling opened, softened and deeply loved. I am so blessed.
©2014 Melissa Simonson
Life has this way of loving me, of loving you
with every opportunity, every pain point,
with every struggle, every truth
Love lives in the dark places and the light
In the magic and the routine
In the order and the mess
Love IS the miracle that we seek
The clarity, the confidence
In the moments that we wonder,
am I the only one? Am I all alone?
We have only to soften, to open, to allow
We are, at any moment, in the presence of blessing,
surrounded by love. If we choose to see it,
wonder is all that’s left.
It’s all that there is.
©2014 Melissa Simonson
Everyday since I first set foot in Brooklyn, and sometimes multiple times a day, people are blowing me away with their spirit of friendliness and helpfulness. Momentary connections and funny commentary at the grocery store or the post office, conversations struck up at the locker room at the gym, a random man coming to find me in the coffee ordering line just to let me know there is a table with an outlet that just opened up (he saw me looking for one to no avail).
Yes, there are A LOT of people here and lots of people focused on their own stuff as we humans tend to be…and yet there is magic in the madness.
And I can say with all sincerity that these kind strangers are angels for me as I ride the emotional roller-coaster of familiarity and homesickness multiple times a day.
Small acts of kindness make a HUGE difference. We each have the capacity to make a loving impact on the people around us…in such very simple and yet utterly profound ways.
:)Melissa
©2014 Melissa Simonson