Tag Archives: Feeling Alone

Finding treasure in the darkest of places…

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Dear One,

It is in depths of caves, in the bottoms of oceans or far beneath the soil that we find the greatest treasure.

If you find yourself facing circumstances that feel like an insurmountable obstacle, like everywhere you turn there are more questions than answers; if you can’t see the end of the darkness and have no idea how or when you will come upon light…know that you are exactly where you need to be to find your greatest treasure.

The only invitation in these moments is to allow yourself to feel it all, to feel yourself held as you hold the part of yourself that is terrified of the dark. It is in your surrender that you discover the wellspring within you, that you discover the power that you have long sought. It is in these unknown spaces in which you have diverged from the usual path, when you feel lost and alone that you open yourself for a new thought.

You might even get curious, “Why would I create this for myself? What gift is now being revealed to me?”

When you understand that all is unfolding for you, and that you always have the power to create good, you make room within you to find the treasure in the darkest of places.

If you feel stuck and in despair…you are right where you need to be. Feel it all and then, know: things are about to get better than you can even imagine.

Taking deep breaths and feeling it all with you.

❤🙏🏼

Melissa

Letting My Longing Lead Me…

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I find myself, right now, in a space between. There are new visions and dreams emerging and yet, there are emotional doors not yet fully closed, a recent chapter whose pages still call for review. There are longings to emerge, shining from the cave, visions of what lies beyond this current chrysalis, and yet, so much is not yet fully formed, much has yet to reveal itself.

I have gratitude for new awareness born to me over this past month…almost like a remembering of what matters to me, like cold water splashed in my face to WAKE ME UP from a dream. So now, I see what’s been missing in my life: Community. Spaces and activities that unleash my inner artist. A clear, tangible financial plan. There is a deep desire to embrace and be embraced as all of me, to be surrounded by artists who are doing their thing, to have groundedness, a clear sense of purpose, to walk in this city likes it’s a playground for my inner magical child.

What I find uncomfortable about this new awareness is being with “the gap” between my current experience and what I long to create: Loving what is while holding space for what is possible; trusting that the vision will inspire new actions to take at the perfect, right time; having patience with the current state of loneliness. There are moments when it hits me now, square between the eyes how lonely and bored I’ve become. Uggghhh. I literally groaned like that when I arose from bed this morning. And it’s ok. And it’s not. Breathing into this duality, right now, and the fact that it has me squirming to break free.

What I’m tuning into now are the paths that appear effortlessly, and trusting that my longing in itself is a prayer, an invisible thread pulling me toward that which I desire. It’s not that I don’t take action, I just take the action that inspires me, when it inspires me. Right now, there is a lot of breathing and listening: Now? (Nope.) Now? (Not yet, Honey.) How about now? (Breathe, Sweetheart, you’ll know what to do when it’s time.)

There is rich community coming into my life. There is a one-woman-show winking at me and sticking out her tongue from a distant horizon. There is a full in-person Soul Purpose Astrology practice here in NYC flowing in. There is aliveness, peace, connection, nourishment–seeds planted, growing steadily from within.

I find that when I’m being awake and open to the full range of my experience, I taste the bitter and the sweet simultaneously. This moment is no exception.

©2015 Melissa Simonson

With Every Moment That I Am Present With You…

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A little over 3 weeks ago, I woke up and I wasn’t so sure I wanted to do this life thing anymore. I’d gotten so far away from my center and rather than dealing with what there was to deal with in the present, I was doing everything that I could to escape, looking for every semblance of sweetness outside of myself. I’d consumed myself with a vision of a future that did not exist. I overlooked what there was to see in my relationship and suddenly, I was forced to face reality. Poof. He was gone to face the circumstances of his own reality. It felt sharp, and cold, and devastatingly painful, and there was no escape.

And so I found myself actually going to that place I never imagined–and it’s hard to even write it now. I didn’t want to be me, living this life. I wanted desperately for the pain to end. I wasn’t so sure that I could endure anymore…something closely resembling rock bottom.

And I chose to get up. My mom was recovering from surgery in the hospital, the dogs needed to be cared for and the last thing in the world I thought I wanted or needed…I had an in-person Soul Purpose Astrology Session with a client that afternoon. I literally cried up until about 5 min before that session. Something inside of me wouldn’t let me cancel.

Thank God.

It was in that session that I found myself. As I held up the mirror, reflecting her power back to her, I found my power. As I created a space for her to soften into love for all of her many parts, I fell in love with my many parts. I was offering up the gift of my existence, and receiving the gift of existence at the same time. No need to escape. I walked away from that session enlivened by the present, and suddenly the circumstances of my grief had some distance from my heart.

These past few weeks have continued to challenge me, have had me wanting to run away from myself and yet, with each passing day I’m surrendering to the present. In fact, I’m hungry for it. The past and the future only exist in my thoughts. Suffering only exists in my thoughts. Story. Illusion. Unreality.

With every moment that I am present with you, I feel grounded, alive with a growing sense of peace for what is. I actually want to deal with what there is to deal with–I’m in my power and connected with my capacity to not only cope but, even further, to create. To be present with you is to be present with myself.

To be of service, to give my gift, to show up for you, to hear and see you and shine the light on your brilliant beauty has, literally, given me my life back.

I’m teary as I write this. I don’t have any more words, just a heart full of emotion, full with life.

©2015 Melissa Simonson

Happy Valentine’s Day

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Who needs just one Valentine when you can have 7.125 Billion?

As I’ve gone about my day, witnessing the little love moments exchanged between people of all shapes, colors, ages and sizes, I’ve recognized myself, loving me all over the place.

And I’ve been operating in my life these past days out of a new, daily commitment, asking myself the question: what would a person who loves herself do? And I ask this with every conscious decision I make. Do I want chai or a green juice? (What would a person who loves herself do?) Turns out, my body wanted both. And dessert, and a bouquet of flowers.

And it’s interesting, in operating from this new listening for myself, I’m being gifted. A medium chai for the price of a small. Just because. A dollar off on my bouquet of flowers and an extra carnation thrown in there. Just because.

Because when I love me, I love 7.125 billion people, and one by one, you each love me back. Just like that.

Happy Valentine’s Day. I love you.

©2015 Melissa Simonson

Dear Beloved

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Dear Beloved,

I know that you long to be heard and seen, to be embraced and loved for all of you.

I see how alone that you feel, how uncertain, and I want you to know that I am here, always present.

Fall, and I will catch you.
Cry, and I will hold you.
Laugh, and I will laugh with you.

You are safe. You are always supported. You are always loved.

And you can’t get this life-thing, wrong. There’s nothing actually to get right. So, will you let go with me? Will you lean-in to all that fills your lungs with air? Will you lean in to that which sets you free?

I’m here and I always will be, seeing you, hearing you, loving you.

Take a deep breath. “‘Cause every little thing gonna be alright.”

Melissa