Tag Archives: Facing Fears

Love Revelation: Stuck? Confused? Afraid to make a wrong move? I get you. I’m with you on that path.

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A few years ago, I experienced a channeled angelic reading in which I learned about the soul contract I created before coming into this life. It was transformative and profound for me–mostly because what she said resonated with me deeply as truth and also because I had never lived my life believing in or experiencing the presence of angels. I am deeply grateful to Audrey Cole, that amazing channeler, for the gift she offered me through her abilities.

I find myself thinking about this reading today because she expressed very clearly that in creating my soul contract, I asked for the ability to speak my truth in all of its forms and that I am here to be a divine messenger–that the more honest and real that I get in sharing my experience the farther my reach will become, the more people I will touch with my light and the more love I will receive in the process. She expressed that I know deep down that everyone has a story to tell, and I’m here to melt away feelings of shame and unworthiness, and transform them into love.

As tears formed in my eyes and I was nodding YES around every turn, she also said this one thing that is very present with me today: When forming my soul contract, I also asked that I go through LOTS & LOTS of challenging experiences so that I could know what it is to be truly heartbroken, to nearly fail, to have doubts–to have true empathy for the fear of not being a success. And whether I contracted for this in my life or not, I am very aware that I am consciously choosing to take on this move to Brooklyn, NY for this very reason–this move is just one of many choices I’ve made over the course of my life to expand my edges and discover what is truly possible for me…and for you. I want to feel it all, to experience it all so that I have that much more compassion, that much more insight to offer as I hold space for others who are also in the process of pursuing their dreams with everything that they have.

It is for this choice to take on my dreams with such vigor, to thrust myself into the unknown murky waters of transformation that I am so brilliant at what I do. Just like my experience of Audrey Cole, I hold up a mirror for my clients to see ALL of who they are and the sacred gifts they are here to offer, and the actions they can take that are truly in alignment with their soul’s purpose. I create an experience of deep clarity, of beauty, of understanding–and I do it all with a great amount of empathy and gentleness because I continually choose to walk WAY outside of my comfort zone again and again. If I did, indeed, contract to take my life on in this way, I’m SO grateful to my sweet soul for that choice. And on the days where life feels unbearably hard for me, I love to come back to that reminder: Oh yeah. I chose this. I’m here to serve, and this path I am on is the perfect curriculum for RADICAL service.

And so, If you find yourself swept up in overwhelm, terrified of taking a wrong step, doubting yourself, fearing that you will not succeed on the brave path that you have chosen–I get you. I am with you on that path. And if you find yourself longing to take on your life as an adventure, to pursue a deep down joyous dream, and you feel paralyzed to even begin, you feel stuck and confused, you can’t find the first step–I get you. I am with you on that path. If you are struggling to hear the call of your inner voice amidst all of the outside voices, if you are struggling to balance what you want with the wants of all those around you, if you are afraid of disappointing, of losing love and support somehow as a result of your choices–I get you. I am with you on that path.

And I was born to serve you, to meet you exactly where you are, to support you as you unleash, to love you as you doubt yourself. I was born to get you and to help you gain access to ALL of who you are so that you can fall madly in love with yourself, pursue your dreams and create deep fulfillment in your life and relationships. This is what I offer you through my soul-mapping work, and I’ve been practicing my entire life in order to serve you in the highest. And as I continue to dive into the depths of my own dreams, my capacity to hold space for you will only grow.

How frickin’ cool is that?

I love you.

:)Melissa

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Love Revelation: Being real can be so damn hard, sometimes.

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seriouscafe

Sometimes it can be so hard to be real. Shame kicks in and permeates all
that I feel and I’m left hiding something that I don’t know I’m hiding. Trying my best to wear a smile. Pretending that something inside of me isn’t bending to the breaking point.

The truth is I’ve been living each day with overwhelm, with fear, with anxiety.

I’m moving from Madison, WI to NYC in a month, and its the biggest change I’ve ever chosen. Most days I’m just so focused on overcoming fear and wondering what I have begun. I’m in a process of becoming, and it’s a process of coming undone.

And I’ve felt really alone. I’ve felt unsure of myself. I have closed myself off with judgment.

Like, somehow, I’m supposed to know how to do this. Or I should be able to do this “better.” Like, somehow, I should be more excited then I am. I should be floating when I often feel like I’m drowning instead.

But transformation is a mess, and the truth is I’m doing my best. And my best is fucking beautiful.

My best includes moments of deep aloneness followed by the choice to open up and share myself…intimately

My best includes days when I don’t want to get out of bed, afternoons spent watching movies, to creating from inspiration and putting my thoughts into poetry.

My best includes a month of feeling dizzy and going to the gym anyway.

It includes serving in the deepest way and believing in the work I do even when I’ve created something new and I don’t know the next time that I’ll get paid.

It includes having the courage to leave the only home I’ve ever known to move cross-country

to forge ahead, to expand, and build my life on possibility

My best is my choosing to follow a dream no matter how unreasonable it all may seem.

Yes, being real can be truly hard, until I choose to let go and remember I’m not alone

because all that I am, you are.

Love Revelation: Asking for help is really f@#%ing scary for me.

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I’m deeply aware, right now, that the experience of reaching out with a request for help is up there on the list with my most vulnerable, shame-inducing experiences–particularly when it comes to asking people to support me in getting the word out about my work. Just writing these words is causing a tightness in my heart and throat.

My people-pleasing self learned at a young age how to be super self-reliant. It’s one of my superpowers that I can figure out most anything that I set my mind to accomplishing. And yet, it is also one of my biggest downfalls. In part, because I’ve gotten so good at “figuring it all out” by myself that I can be completely unaware of when I actually NEED help and in what ways. I have a tremendously difficult time getting clear on and articulating how I would like to receive support–it’s so scary and challenging for me to claim what I want out loud. Even when someone simply asks, “how can I help?” my mind freezes and I feel all of this pressure not to ask for TOO much. I find myself not even knowing what to say in response to this question.

And it’s exhausting and incredibly limiting. In all of the ways that I’ve learned to go it alone, I can also put a cap on the potential of my life. I’m reminded as I write these words of the African Proverb that is often seen circulating around: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” There are times when we need to go it alone and there are times when we are more powerful when we journey together. This time of MEGA transition in my life is one of those times when it’s not serving me to go it alone, and I am floundering in my capacity to reach out.

Asking for help is messy. There is all of this fear around what people will think (I always make the people who I’m reaching out to SO much more important and powerful than I am in my mind). Questions like, “What do I have to offer them in return?” come up for me. Questions like, “Why aren’t you capable of figuring this out yourself?” come up. Thoughts like “You’re so self-centered” come up. There is fear around asking for help in the “wrong way,” somehow, and not receiving the support that I need. There is a deep down fear of not actually belonging, of not being loved, of no one wanting to help and so I isolate myself. I focus on what I can figure out on my own, and I live an existence smaller than I can even fathom. I rob myself of the love and belonging that I so desire to experience in my life, and so often I feel really, really alone.

I’m teary as I write this because I’m tapping into some core truths that have really needed my attention, and I’m finding myself taking deep breaths and knowing that it is time for me to take some courageous action in my life. It’s time to be raw and real and generous with my humanity. I need help, and no one will ever know unless I ask for what I want to receive.

And so, I’m going to be sending out some emails and making phone calls requesting help, and I’ll be practicing at those things called community, and belonging…and receiving love…and learning what it means to journey farther than I can on my own.

Love Revelation: Rebirthing Myself

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My 2nd full day in Brooklyn, NY and I’ve found myself feeling more vulnerable than I can recall ever having experienced in my adult life. Confronted with the unfamiliar around every corner and longing for a sense of comfort and ease as I take on that I will be living here 2 months from now, I found myself overcome with overwhelm, with a sense of being deeply alone, lost and uncertain. I found myself wanting to take back every promise, every commitment to be here and crawl back to the pillowly softness of the life that I know. As someone who LOVES to be in the KNOW and has to challenge herself to take on things that she’s not guaranteed to be good at one way or another…I’m about a thousand miles outside of my comfort zone, both literally and figuratively.

And as I sat there this afternoon writing in an unfamiliar cafe, trying to get my finger on the pulse of the whirlwind of emotions pouring through my veins, I realized that this must be a glimpse at what it felt like to be born. Thrust from the warmth of the womb I’ve known for the entirety of my existence into a harsh new world–to see light for the first time, and hear clear sounds and be smacked on the back as I wailed at the top of my lungs. And isn’t crying to be expected? Is it not part of the initiation of life itself? What else is there to do when experiencing the intensity of it all than to just let it all out?

And so that’s what I did. I sat, writing in that cafe and tears began to spill forth from my eyes. And at first, I was embarrassed and I worried about people noticing as I quickly raised my hands to clear them away, and then, it became clear that there was no stopping these tears. They needed release. I needed release. In the midst of the unfamiliar, of my own re-birth, I was baptized by my tears and I came back home to myself. As I purged my thoughts on the page, I felt held by the honesty of my words. I was seen and heard and I was safe.

And from there, I was able to open up in awe of my courage, and I felt a celebration welling up from my belly. This is freaking terrifying, and yet I’m choosing it because I know in my soul that life’s greatest rewards are born out of the choice to walk through the fire, to be confronted, and to surrender to the mystery of it all.

There will be more days like this ahead for me–where nothing feels right, where I have no idea how it’s all going to turn out and I just want to “go home.” AND I just made it through the first one. There is so much to honor and celebrate about that.

This is what loving me looked like today.

Love Revelation: My “I AM” Statement

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Another goody from exactly a year ago–I love that I spent today clarifying the gifts that I’m here to offer and 1 year ago, I was connecting with myself in the same way. I love seeing how much more comfortable that I am now in sharing my full expression & declaring my gifts. It’s been an AMAZING year, and I’ve created each day with such courage. And once again, the “I AM” statement that I wrote back in 2006 remains true today.

———————–

Melissa Simonson
Dec 30, 2012 near Monona, WI

Love Revelation: When I trained as a Life Coach in 2006, I was asked to create an “I Am” statement along with my classmates that represents my work in the world–the core essence of my being. It hangs on the wall of my office & yet, until now, I’ve been quite private about it. In a moment of great clarity & connection with myself, here is what I wrote: “I am an ever-present vessel of safety and compassion. I allow others the space to breathe in the truth of their being & blow out the fire of their voice from within. I am a stirrer of souls. A nurturer of beautiful transformation. A portal of divine wisdom.”

I feel in my heart with all of the recent changes in my life that this next year is asking me to fully embody this statement & to own it for myself & all those I’m meant to serve. I’ve found myself this evening hit by a wave of grief & anxiety over the unknowns that lie ahead for me. My heart is still heavy with processing the end of a relationship that meant a great deal to me & my head is full of questions about “how I’m going to pull off” this transition to full self-employment now that the safety net is gone. I found myself praying out loud as tears streamed down my face…& in a moment of pause, the “I Am” statement I wrote above came to mind. The thought that followed was, “Just be that.” Be who I am. Own it. Breathe.

And so I say now: Ok, God, let’s do this. I’m putting one foot in front of the other…not without my fear, but you get that and all of my other trust issues…& you love me, without condition. This year, I will do my best to love me without condition, too–to live boldly as all that I am & continue to become. Nervous, excited, & gratefully yours. Melissa