Pluto/Uranus Square: Feeling the Intensity (Part II)

With yesterday’s Pluto/Uranus Square, many of us are feeling quite vulnerable and raw as we have been forced to confront ways of being and beliefs that have been holding us back. It’s transformation through fire, and whatever is not serving us, that has us out of alignment with our purpose, must go.

The issues that we’ve not wanted to confront in our relationships, our careers, our health, our living situations, our money, etc. are all being brought to the surface. The things that we’ve been so certain of are now shaking from the ground up. That which seemed solid is either growing more solid through the truths being revealed through this transformation or crumbling to the ground in order to make way for that which will truly endure, that which will truly serve us on our soul journey.

I personally have been forced to have some deeply vulnerable conversations, bare my fears, grow in my capacity to ask for what I need…and ultimately, I’ve shed the flashlight on some of the myriad parts of myself that I have yet to love. I’ve been so afraid of losing love that I wasn’t letting it all the way in, then…it poured in, and I freaked out…hahaha…tis the nature of this kind of transformation.

In any case, whatever you are experiencing in your own life the gift of this time is simple: Where have you put up barriers to the pure experience of love?

Whatever is falling away from your life now, as painful as it might be, know this: That thing, that relationship in the form that it was in, that belief you were clinging to must fall away in order to open your capacity to love and be loved, to be IN LOVE with what is.

This is the opportunity now: To open your heart so wide that all you can do is fall in love with what is, with who you are, and to allow others to reflect that love back to you. Oh, and remember to breathe, My Loves.

Always in your corner,

:)Melissa

 

Pluto/Uranus Square: Feeling the Intensity

We find ourselves amidst some very intense energy, right now.

Tomorrow, the planets, Pluto and Uranus, will be exactly 90 degrees apart from one another for the 6th time in the past 3 years. And I can feel it build-up inside of me like a volcano that can no longer be contained in my being. I’d nearly forgotten about this alignment until unfoldings in my own life have made it unavoidable to ignore.

Pluto’s energy compels us to transform, to die to old ways of being that have dis-empowered us, so that our true selves can shine through. It brings up the underbelly of all that has been hidden just beneath the surface—the things that we fear to look at and to feel—and it compels us to face it all head on.

Uranus’ energy liberates us by throwing us the unexpected–breakdowns that challenge us to leap into our zone of genius, so that true breakthroughs can occur.

With these two planets squaring off, we have flooding and tornadoes touching down in Southern CA, issues of race that have long been over-looked forcibly rising to the surface, people demanding change. The energy is eruptive and transformation IS happening.

It’s moments like this where I almost call “uncle” as I feel my heart exploding with its own growth and the illusive fears of utter insecurity haunting my thoughts without remorse.

And as I fear losing that to which I am attached, I am reminded: Whatever is left in the end is what’s meant to be mine. All else is false.

There is this desire to cling for dear life as the house is rattling and the tornado threatens to carry it all away. My ego screams “hold on,” while my soul whispers, “let go.”

“Thy will be done.”

I do not know what is on the horizon personally and collectively. I do not know what will be left in tact and what is being birthed in place of all that is falling away. And when I listen to my soul’s whisper, I’m reminded that there is nothing wrong here; that in this moment where I can’t help but cry for the intensity of all that I feel, I am being loved by this, too. All there is to do is breathe and feel until the storm passes through.

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Holy Shit. Feeling Joy Is Scary

MelissaJOy

So, for 5 years, the brand name of my business was JoyDiva. On twitter, I’m still TheJoyDiva.

And today, I’m recognizing that joy might be the most challenging emotion to allow myself to soften into. I’m kickass at creating joy out of tragedy, of seeing the beauty amidst the mud and muck of existence…and I’ve caught my mind red-handed this week doing everything it can to sabotage simple joy left and right.

In her breadth of work on vulnerability, Brené Brown mentions that “joy is the most vulnerable emotion we experience,” and I now see that I am no exception to this experience. I can pour my heart out to you on this page. I can talk about my pain, I can start a new life from nothing, own a business, perform and speak before hundreds of people, etc…but if you give me an opportunity to experience joy…the joy of success, of falling in love and all that good stuff…my mind will search for a million ways to shut that shit down in an instant.

I get it. I dealt with a lot of angry outbursts coming at me when I was a kid and a lot of drama. I got attached to the experience of the other shoe dropping without warning. So I’ve made myself hyper-vigilant, to create an illusion of being in control. I create mental obstacle courses for my loved ones to prove that it’s safe to let go and simply feel the joy of their love. When you don’t give me what I want, I make you wrong in my mind and put walls between us as I come up with a gazillion stories about why you didn’t give me what I want and create you as the enemy. When you tell me you love me, I beam and moments later start to think about how that love might go away, how you don’t really mean it, how you’re going to change your mind–disappointing myself now, so that you can’t do it later. (Think you’re going to hurt me in some unknown future? Well don’t worry ’cause I’m gonna hurt myself first and real good so you don’t get to!) Yikes.

As it turns out, my mind is a master joy-killer, and in its addiction to keeping me safe and in control, it’s kept me from the experience of true connection and the innocent bliss that follows. It’s kept me in an anxious state of holding my breath the minute something joyous comes into my life.

And I’m so excited to see this! To see how scary it is for me to trust in innocent joy and goodness, to see how I’VE broken my own heart so many times by stopping my joy in it’s tracks with looking for what is or is going to go wrong. I love that I am catching myself in the act of joy-killing–noticing the thoughts and breathing as I let them go and bring myself back to what’s actually happening in the moment.

Because the truth is, I really can just be in love, and I really can just feel joy. You really can just love me and keep on loving me. And tonight, I am loving the little girl in me who is terrified to let go of control, and I am embracing her with compassionate understanding. This is an old story, and I don’t need it to protect myself any longer. Moment by moment, step by step, I now have the opportunity to soften, further and further and further into…love.

Holy shit. Deep breath.

:)Melissa

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Let Life Crack Me Open

Melissa

Let life crack me open
So that the truth leaks out
Like liquid light…transforming
The darkness

Let me be filled up to the brim
With more than I can handle
So that I may discover that I am
Limitless

That love is limitless

There are no hurts too big
No joys too messy
To mess with the heart of me
The bones of me
My soul

Use me
Challenge me
Stretch me
Grow me

So that I might fully
Know the gift
Of my life.

Facing Fears, Burning Through Illusion

As I let go, and let go, and let go, I find myself coming upon all kinds of opportunities to expand beyond former edges and burn through limitations.

What actions do you avoid taking in your life because you’re terrified of how it would make you feel?

For me, right now, it’s any action that could potentially cause me to lose external approval or be ridiculed that makes my throat tighten and a fire rise in my chest. And so I’m taking actions, step-by-step to kill that made-up ego story. Creating this video was one small way of peeling back a limiting layer. x