Letting My Longing Lead Me…

I find myself, right now, in a space between. There are new visions and dreams emerging and yet, there are emotional doors not yet fully closed, a recent chapter whose pages still call for review. There are longings to emerge, shining from the cave, visions of what lies beyond this current chrysalis, and yet, so much is not yet fully formed, much has yet to reveal itself.

I have gratitude for new awareness born to me over this past month…almost like a remembering of what matters to me, like cold water splashed in my face to WAKE ME UP from a dream. So now, I see what’s been missing in my life: Community. Spaces and activities that unleash my inner artist. A clear, tangible financial plan. There is a deep desire to embrace and be embraced as all of me, to be surrounded by artists who are doing their thing, to have groundedness, a clear sense of purpose, to walk in this city likes it’s a playground for my inner magical child.

What I find uncomfortable about this new awareness is being with “the gap” between my current experience and what I long to create: Loving what is while holding space for what is possible; trusting that the vision will inspire new actions to take at the perfect, right time; having patience with the current state of loneliness. There are moments when it hits me now, square between the eyes how lonely and bored I’ve become. Uggghhh. I literally groaned like that when I arose from bed this morning. And it’s ok. And it’s not. Breathing into this duality, right now, and the fact that it has me squirming to break free.

What I’m tuning into now are the paths that appear effortlessly, and trusting that my longing in itself is a prayer, an invisible thread pulling me toward that which I desire. It’s not that I don’t take action, I just take the action that inspires me, when it inspires me. Right now, there is a lot of breathing and listening: Now? (Nope.) Now? (Not yet, Honey.) How about now? (Breathe, Sweetheart, you’ll know what to do when it’s time.)

There is rich community coming into my life. There is a one-woman-show winking at me and sticking out her tongue from a distant horizon. There is a full in-person Soul Purpose Astrology practice here in NYC flowing in. There is aliveness, peace, connection, nourishment–seeds planted, growing steadily from within.

I find that when I’m being awake and open to the full range of my experience, I taste the bitter and the sweet simultaneously. This moment is no exception.

©2015 Melissa Simonson

New Year’s Reflections

As I reflect back on this past year, it has been a year of great courage for me.

I moved to NYC with little money in my bank account and fortunate to receive the support of great friends. I took on a life far from the cozy one I’d grown accustomed to and with each day, leapt into a new unknown.

I discovered burn-out in my work and had the courage to release patterns and dreams that no longer served me. It was scary and dark…deeply uncomfortable. I’m still letting go as I surrender notions of what it means to be a “success,” to have a purpose, what is meant for my life, what wants to be birthed through me.

It takes great courage to live inside the space of “I don’t know.” I’ve felt small and purposeless at times, a voice in my head constantly chiding “What if I never amount to anything?”–and that might be the most precious gift of this challenging year–there is something much more profound unfolding then my Personal Will can ever create or comprehend…and I don’t have to “amount” to anything to be a gift and receive the gift of my existence. A lesson I continue to learn.

And in the midst of all of that letting go and clearing out, a great love was being born and continues to birth itself with new adventures on the horizon–partnership was perhaps the least expected gift this year, and a most welcome surprise.

And now I face 2015 with continued courage, brand-new dreams, and a continued deepening of my surrender. “Thy will be done.” This will continue to be my prayer as I embark on yet another year of this precious life.

Love Revelation: I am a Radical Self-Love Ambassador…

I call myself a Radical Self-Love Ambassador, and as fun and “what is that?” as it sounds, I really mean it. And sometimes I can forget that I really mean it or what it even means. So, I’m declaring it here so that I begin to create it, and so that you can be a part of it, too. 

Here’s what that looks like for me: Bring me into your companies, your organizations, your women’s groups, your men’s groups, your churches, your workshops & retreats and I’ll use my potent gift to make art with words, my music, my powerful inquiries and my capacity to facilitate transformative conversations as we talk about shame, about the path to freedom, about humility as a celebration of ALL of our strengths, about the magic of vulnerability and the power & connection we discover through authentically expressing who we are, about getting clear and having the courage to pursue what we REALLY want in our lives…I’ll talk about what self-love REALLY is, what it looks like and why it actually matters. And I’ll do it in a way that has everyone taking deep breaths and discovering their own precious power in the process.

Bring me in to be a presenter, to creatively inspire and to facilitate conversations with your young people and teens in your schools and organizations as I create a space for them to laugh at themselves and love themselves at the same time…for perhaps the first time in a really long time. I’ll create the space for them to find permission to be who they REALLY are and to like what they find.

Being a Radical Self-Love Ambassador means that in the months and years ahead I will be touring the world and having people get all the way into the cells of their bones that there is nothing wrong with them and that they are deeply and truly loved.

It means published books, and more recorded albums of my original music. It means creating performance art and one-woman shows and creating workshops where people get to share and release their stories of shame and embrace what makes them beautiful and unique.

It means listening for what lights you up in our one-on-one conversations so that you walk away, unleashed, empowered and being more YOU than ever before.

It means leaving the grocery clerk and the coffee barrista and the woman who cleans at my gym GETTING that they matter and are appreciated not just for what they do and also for who they are.

It means continuing to take on my dreams, becoming intimate with my own doubts, fears, and limiting beliefs. It means loving myself despite the voice that tells me “I never get it right.” It means being really human and therefore, really lovable, so that you get to see how lovable that you are, too.

And so, I’m declaring this here today as what I’m in the midst of creating. I don’t know how it’s all going to go yet or exactly what it will look like as it unfolds…and being in communication with you seemed like a great place to start.

If you love what you read in my posts if you are inspired by the possibility of having me LIVE at your event or doing work within your organization or community…then EMAIL ME and we’ll begin a life-changing conversation about what that could actually look like.

All my love,

:)Melissa

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Love Revelation: The power of “AND”

me

On August 27th, 2013, the word “AND” transformed my life.

Let me explain.

Two days before, in my Advanced Course with Landmark Worldwide I’d had a huge breakthrough that had me seeing all of the ways that I was living my life as a victim who needs to protect herself from anger, harshness, disappointment. I was being a coach inside of the thought “Please don’t be mad at me;” a daughter, lover, friend inside of the thought, “Please don’t be mad at me;” I was pursuing my dreams inside of the thought, “Please don’t be mad at me:” which ummm…wasn’t very effective, to say the least. Was I making things happen? Yes. And I had NO CLUE what I could make possible through freedom from that fear story.

So there I was on August 27th, the final night of my Advanced course, and we were doing one last exercise. It went like this:

Look for all of the statements where you say, I want X BUT Y. And we were going back and forth with a partner stating as many of these as we could think of.

“I want to have a passionate, committed relationship BUT I’m afraid it’s not possible for me.”

“I want to make money doing what I love BUT I don’t know how.”

“I want to move out of my mom’s house BUT I can’t afford it.”

Then we made one little shift that created my life as I know it today. We simply took that little word, that action-stopping, you-can’t-have-what-you-want word, “BUT” and replaced it with “AND.”

“I want to have a passionate, committed relationship AND I’m afraid it’s not possible for me.”

“I want to make money doing what I love AND I don’t know how.”

“I want to move out of my mom’s house AND I can’t afford it.”

And suddenly the world opened up. There were actions I could take to have what I want. There was the possibility to move forward in my life in ways that truly matter to me. When I got to that last one about wanting to move out of my mom’s house AND not being able to afford it, I was stopped in my tracks:

“I need to move out of my mom’s house.”

And then I saw actions: Get clear on my finances, pick a date to move out and get clear on prices of apartments that I want, create a financial plan to make it happen, etc.

And I hit the ground running. That next week I was looking at apartments in Madison. And than it occurred to me: I don’t want to live in Madison anymore. I want to move to Brooklyn, NY, and I’m going to do it by March of 2014. I registered into the Landmark Introduction Leaders Program that just started this past Friday as a way to REALLY throw my hat over that fence.

And well, my loves, I’m writing this post from Brooklyn, NY and it’s March of 2014. And believe me: there were freak outs and break downs. I nearly cancelled my registration for that program multiple times. I chose to move in the midst of a business re-brand, which felt insane. And I didn’t let that stop me. I found the courage to ask friends and family for financial support in order to follow through on my commitment to get here in March to begin that program, and between the online GoFundMe campaign (http://www.gofundme.com/MelissaNYCJourney), and loving checks in the mail, I’ve currently raised $2,961 toward my $5000 goal, with 11 days left. Vulnerable to ask–Hell yes. And I didn’t let the word “BUT” stop me from creating the invitation for others to contribute powerfully to my life and those who I’m meant to touch with my life.

And I’m falling in love with what is beginning to unfold in my life here in my new city. And oh yeah, I’m going to have that relationship that I want, and every day I get to do more and more of the work that I love while also making money…doing what I love.

Anything is possible when we remove the word “BUT” from our language.

“AND” just might be my new favorite word. 

Now it’s your turn: What could that simple word make possible in YOUR life? What actions can you take to turn YOUR wanting into reality?

All my love,

:)Melissa

©2014 Melissa Simonson