Letting My Longing Lead Me…

I find myself, right now, in a space between. There are new visions and dreams emerging and yet, there are emotional doors not yet fully closed, a recent chapter whose pages still call for review. There are longings to emerge, shining from the cave, visions of what lies beyond this current chrysalis, and yet, so much is not yet fully formed, much has yet to reveal itself.

I have gratitude for new awareness born to me over this past month…almost like a remembering of what matters to me, like cold water splashed in my face to WAKE ME UP from a dream. So now, I see what’s been missing in my life: Community. Spaces and activities that unleash my inner artist. A clear, tangible financial plan. There is a deep desire to embrace and be embraced as all of me, to be surrounded by artists who are doing their thing, to have groundedness, a clear sense of purpose, to walk in this city likes it’s a playground for my inner magical child.

What I find uncomfortable about this new awareness is being with “the gap” between my current experience and what I long to create: Loving what is while holding space for what is possible; trusting that the vision will inspire new actions to take at the perfect, right time; having patience with the current state of loneliness. There are moments when it hits me now, square between the eyes how lonely and bored I’ve become. Uggghhh. I literally groaned like that when I arose from bed this morning. And it’s ok. And it’s not. Breathing into this duality, right now, and the fact that it has me squirming to break free.

What I’m tuning into now are the paths that appear effortlessly, and trusting that my longing in itself is a prayer, an invisible thread pulling me toward that which I desire. It’s not that I don’t take action, I just take the action that inspires me, when it inspires me. Right now, there is a lot of breathing and listening: Now? (Nope.) Now? (Not yet, Honey.) How about now? (Breathe, Sweetheart, you’ll know what to do when it’s time.)

There is rich community coming into my life. There is a one-woman-show winking at me and sticking out her tongue from a distant horizon. There is a full in-person Soul Purpose Astrology practice here in NYC flowing in. There is aliveness, peace, connection, nourishment–seeds planted, growing steadily from within.

I find that when I’m being awake and open to the full range of my experience, I taste the bitter and the sweet simultaneously. This moment is no exception.

©2015 Melissa Simonson

Love is a continual practice of letting go…and letting go…and letting go

As I receive unconditional love and acceptance from my partner on a whole, new level for me, I am being confronted with inner demons that I didn’t fully know were there.

Because relationship is simply a mirror for our own relationship with ourselves, I find that as I experience love flowing in, that love is being matched by an equally powerful self-doubt and in all honesty, a self-loathing that is both painful and surprising. The mirror is being held up and I’m seeing all of the qualities that I didn’t even realize I find unlovable within myself, all of the ways that I reject myself. My ego is squirming this week and looking for cover…big-time. The mask is falling away and I’m coming face-to-face with my imperfection.

There’s a very young voice that comes forth inside of me wondering, “Have I gone too far this time? Have you seen too much? Is this the point when I make the love go away?” It is raw, vulnerable, down-right terrified.

I’ve found myself experiencing deep shame at various points this week, judging myself, feeling tremendously insecure, wondering when the stronger, empowered…get this…more lovable me…will return. You know, the me who “has it all together.” This week I’m being challenged to surrender a deeply ingrained belief about myself, about love–that I have to control your experience of me, that I have to act and operate in a certain way in order to be worthy of your love.

And as I’ve been the snotty, needy, victim-minded, emotional mess…ummm…not the me I wanted my partner to see, I’m having to face this fear head on: What will happen when I’m not playing the part? When I let the wounded little girl come out of the closet? What will happen when I’m not in control?

And well, I’m finding out even as I write.

I see now that the deeper the love, the deeper the surrender that’s required. Love is a continual practice of letting go, and letting go, and letting go.

And the most challenging and beautiful part of this whole process: It’s not my partner’s job to love me. It’s MY job. It’s MY job to heal this old wound and to hold myself gently. Right now, loving myself as I’m facing my “ugly” parts is in writing this post, it’s in creating spaciousness for myself, focusing on what matters to me, and it’s in allowing myself to be seen and believe in the love I’m receiving from my partner. Slowly, and steadily unfurling my petals despite how “unsafe” that feels. And breathing. And breathing.

Real love is no fairytale. It doesn’t just show up and good feelings abound happily ever after. It challenges us, stretches us, grows us…heals us. It’s so much more dimensional than a fairytale. It’s not perfect. It’s real life. It’s an opportunity to see who we REALLY are, and love what we find there…even when we don’t. 😉

All my love,


Poem: The Beauty That is All of Me


There is this deeply sacred part of me 
who is emerging. blossoming. 
loose. unleashed.
there is surrender here. vulnerability.
there is a tenderness birthing herself
warm and free. 
all that I feel is magic.
the beauty that is all of me.
I am in wonder. I am in awe.
and I am
in love. 

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Love Revelation: A Simple, yet RADICAL truth…

My Loves:

I’m going to say something really simple, and you might see it and say, “Well, I already KNOW that.” And I want you to REALLY receive this message, anyway.

There is nothing wrong with you. 
Nothing to fix. 
Nothing to change. 
You have everything you need to have all that you want.
You were born with the perfect balance of strengths and weaknesses to offer up the unique gift of YOU to the world.
You started making a precious difference in the world the moment you were born.

And if you’re struggling to see that, if the voice in your head stills wants to fix you or make you wrong for this thing or that, here’s the good news:

That’s just false gunk that has gotten in the way of your seeing your wholeness, and that gunk can be cleared away.

We as human beings have this tremendous capacity to transform, to come back to the truth of who we are, to come home to knowing ourselves as magnificent and worth cherishing.

If you’ve got stuff in the way that’s keeping you from embodying the knowing that there is truly nothing wrong, (you’re so not alone), send me a message and we’ll open up a conversation to connect you with the beauty of who you really are. Xo


©2014 Melissa Simonson

Love Revelation: Thinking…plus action…makes it so

Tonight’s magical NYC subway adventure included a conversation with a very close-talking, surprisingly profound and maybe a little psychic drunk man telling me that he was “very attracted to my light” and that I belong on Stephen Colbert or Broadway, 🙂 , followed by a deep conversation with a man newly studying to be a lawyer about, NLP, Eckhart Tolle’s the Power of Now, Jed Mckenna, Byron Katie, Landmark Worldwide (It was a long train ride from the city at this hour).

And the evening ended with a text message from this new friend: “Melissa, amazing connecting with you. your journey is going to be as beautiful as you decide to make it. Thinking makes it so.”

This whole night began with my heading into the city to grab a drink with a lovely man who I met on the Subway last week who was reading an inspirational book that grabbed my attention.

All of my life, people have warned me to “keep my guard up” and worried about my daring willingness to leap into the unknown, befriend strangers, and go off the beaten path. Even in the midst of connecting with kind strangers like this man, I’m met with concern that I be careful in whom I put my trust.

The fact of the matter is that I wholeheartedly trust me and my inner guidance system. I’m just really good at following the YES in my heart and also listening for the NO, and nearly 33 years into this life I’m living, which has included travel to other countries and cities and meeting countless people, I have yet to have experienced anything short of magic.

I’m not lucky or extra blessed or extra special in my experience of miracles showing up daily in my life. I’ve just chosen to show up wherever I am from a place of wonder and a desire to connect, of sharing myself and discovering the light inside of others.

Love begets more love y’all. And as my lovely new friend said, “thinking makes it so.”


©2014 Melissa Simonson