New Year’s Reflections

As I reflect back on this past year, it has been a year of great courage for me.

I moved to NYC with little money in my bank account and fortunate to receive the support of great friends. I took on a life far from the cozy one I’d grown accustomed to and with each day, leapt into a new unknown.

I discovered burn-out in my work and had the courage to release patterns and dreams that no longer served me. It was scary and dark…deeply uncomfortable. I’m still letting go as I surrender notions of what it means to be a “success,” to have a purpose, what is meant for my life, what wants to be birthed through me.

It takes great courage to live inside the space of “I don’t know.” I’ve felt small and purposeless at times, a voice in my head constantly chiding “What if I never amount to anything?”–and that might be the most precious gift of this challenging year–there is something much more profound unfolding then my Personal Will can ever create or comprehend…and I don’t have to “amount” to anything to be a gift and receive the gift of my existence. A lesson I continue to learn.

And in the midst of all of that letting go and clearing out, a great love was being born and continues to birth itself with new adventures on the horizon–partnership was perhaps the least expected gift this year, and a most welcome surprise.

And now I face 2015 with continued courage, brand-new dreams, and a continued deepening of my surrender. “Thy will be done.” This will continue to be my prayer as I embark on yet another year of this precious life.

Pluto/Uranus Square: Feeling the Intensity

We find ourselves amidst some very intense energy, right now.

Tomorrow, the planets, Pluto and Uranus, will be exactly 90 degrees apart from one another for the 6th time in the past 3 years. And I can feel it build-up inside of me like a volcano that can no longer be contained in my being. I’d nearly forgotten about this alignment until unfoldings in my own life have made it unavoidable to ignore.

Pluto’s energy compels us to transform, to die to old ways of being that have dis-empowered us, so that our true selves can shine through. It brings up the underbelly of all that has been hidden just beneath the surface—the things that we fear to look at and to feel—and it compels us to face it all head on.

Uranus’ energy liberates us by throwing us the unexpected–breakdowns that challenge us to leap into our zone of genius, so that true breakthroughs can occur.

With these two planets squaring off, we have flooding and tornadoes touching down in Southern CA, issues of race that have long been over-looked forcibly rising to the surface, people demanding change. The energy is eruptive and transformation IS happening.

It’s moments like this where I almost call “uncle” as I feel my heart exploding with its own growth and the illusive fears of utter insecurity haunting my thoughts without remorse.

And as I fear losing that to which I am attached, I am reminded: Whatever is left in the end is what’s meant to be mine. All else is false.

There is this desire to cling for dear life as the house is rattling and the tornado threatens to carry it all away. My ego screams “hold on,” while my soul whispers, “let go.”

“Thy will be done.”

I do not know what is on the horizon personally and collectively. I do not know what will be left in tact and what is being birthed in place of all that is falling away. And when I listen to my soul’s whisper, I’m reminded that there is nothing wrong here; that in this moment where I can’t help but cry for the intensity of all that I feel, I am being loved by this, too. All there is to do is breathe and feel until the storm passes through.

©2014 Melissa Simonson

“I may not know what aisle the bread is in, but I can transform lives!”

Funny statement of the afternoon, while in a phone session with a client: (Me to my client) “I may not know what aisle the bread is in, but I can transform lives!”

As I relish moments of feeling comfortable in my new city, and feel like it is taking all that I have just to meet basic needs day-to-day as every moment is a new discovery, I find that when I am doing my work, when I am holding sacred space for my clients as healer, freedom catalyst, and a beacon of radical self-love I am HOME.

When I am living in alignment with the call of my soul, when I am acting on what REALLY matters to me in my heart, I am HOME.

As I bring others home to the truth of who they are, I come home to myself.

I’m so grateful for this awareness today.

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Love Revelation: Listening for “home”

It is a weird and uncomfortable experience to not have a clear sense of “home.” Today marks my 2nd full day in Brooklyn and Yesterday’s big accomplishments included finding a local grocery that I like so that I could actually have food at home, picking up odds and ends for daily living…I’m of course, already noticing the things that I forgot to bring, the items that I had no idea would be essential in this new space. And, oh, I didn’t get lost yesterday, which was cool. 

The emotional experience, right now is one of total ungroundedness, searching for center, for the SENSE of home. I find it and create it in little moments and then it’s gone again, to then, rediscover it in another moment. Lavender essential oil filling my room, time spent with my journal, watching a favorite TV show online and reading before bed, nourishing food, my favorite lotion, creating order in my new space. There is a deep need to find and create the familiar within this completely unfamiliar place. I feel invisible and disconnected from who I am, what matters to me, what I want, what I need. And yet, the preciousness of this time is that I get to rediscover and perhaps discover for the first time, the answer to these essential questions.

My main inspiration, right now, lies in creating and relishing in beauty. Nourishing my body with movement and good food. Making my space pretty. Creating a sense of grounded spaciousness with lovely smells. Creating softness and lightness in my experience.

There are powerful fears lurking beneath the surface that I’ll get stuck and consumed by a mode of survival, that I will lose sight of who I am, that I’ll forget and disappear somehow, that I won’t accomplish what matters to me in my heart…and my inner Wise Woman is smiling at me as she reminds me I’ve only been here for 2 days. Now is not the time to climb mountains, it is time to rest in the valley, to gather up strength, to listen within for what is “home” and then to lean into those experiences with all of my heart. That sense of home will guide me, will pull to exactly who, what and where I need to be.

And so I honor my fear for not letting me forget that I am a leader feeling called to accomplish big, loving things in the months and years ahead. And for now, I bring myself back to the here and now, I meet myself with gentleness and patience and ease, and I listen and follow the voice of home that lives in my belly and my bones.

And as I write these words while listening deeply to my inner landscape, I hear a soft whisper telling me that magic awaits, and I am smiling, tears glistening in my eyes.

xo Melissa

P.S. Feel inspired to support my soul journey to NYC while claiming AMAZING rewards–like the opportunity to be supported by me through your own transformation at kickass discount prices? Visit: http://www.gofundme.com/MelissaNYCJourney to learn more!

©2014 Melissa Simonson

Video: All the pieces of who we are…

I made this video for you today, Beautiful People. If you find yourself in the midst of transition, in pursuit of dreams or wanting to pursue them, coping with loss in its various forms or afraid to make changes and big leaps in your life, I encourage you to check this out. As it turns out…we don’t actually lose the people and things and places that matter to us when we transition and we have everything to gain by making our big leaps.
Here is the link to the GoFundMe Campaign: http://www.gofundme.com/MelissaNYCJourney  (where you can receive the Soul Mapping Journey for 50% off!)

<3 Melissa

©2014 Melissa Simonson